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How Bill met his Girlfriend Samantha Star |
| [Introduction]
OK...This story takes place before Ichabod met Marzipan, so Marzipan will not appear, also the Turtles will not appear because the Turtles come to the Space Beast Universe after Ichabod meets Marzipan. In this story, I will make fun of Vegans...Samantha is a deconstruction of Humans who like Animals more then their own species...Samantha is a sympathetic character to be sure but she has a kind of self-loathing because she feels she is a member of the worst species in the universe |
| Bill was afraid, he didn't think this could happen to him of all Humanimals but it had. He had gone for a walk in the Woods, they were visiting Hartford Connecticut and Bill felt he desperately needed to stretch his legs, in the beautiful New England Springtime, then before he knew it, he was blacked out and he woke up in a Wrangler Dungeon Cell." "Oh bad..." Bill said "Oh bad, bad, bad! I don't know where I am! I could be halfway across the Milky Way by now." Just then, the door opened, Bill strained against his shackles, he saw a Wrangler Girl Soldier, she had big brown puppy-dog eyes, and long soft brown hair, she had freckles, which made her seem strangely pretty, like the stereotypical farmer girl, Bill saw in old fashioned pin-ups. "Who are you?" Bill asked "Quiet." The Girl whispered, she reached over to the wall and pressed a big red button "That turns off the security camera...Now I can help you escape." "You're going to help me escape?" Bill was flabbergasted he wondered if he was hallucinating. "I'm not like other Wranglers." The Girl said "I didn't even want to to be a Wrangler, I was drafted, when my home planet of Aqua became a Wrangler Planet...I'm Samantha Star and I won't let them hurt you." She said as she undid his shackles |
| A male soldier says "Samantha! Get the prisoner ready for transport! He'll make a nice strong slave to the highest bidder on Aqua!" She says "Yes sir!" she whispers to Bill, "Don't worry, I have another destination in mind." She then takes Bill to the transport with 2 soldiers following." |
| "Commander!" Samantha said "I discovered a tick on this Beast's body...I must sterilize him before anything else." "Of course!" The Commander said "We can't bring Earth Pathogens to other worlds!" Samantha walked Bill into a small dark room "This is a secret I found..." Samantha said "No other Wrangler seems to know this is here." She lifted up a tile revealing a trap door "Follow me." She said Bill followed but he had to suck in his gut first as he was so large. "Where are we now?" Bill asked "The kitchen." Samantha said "Don't worry no one is here." "Oh man that smells good!" Bill licked his lips at a feast on a nearby table "Can I have a bite? Please? I haven't had anything for hours!" "All right." Samantha said Bill lunged at the food, cramming sweets in his mouth "Sorry..." Bill said wiping crumbs from his mouth "I know my table manners aren't the best." "It's all right." Samantha said "Want a bite?" Bill asked holding out a piece twisted sweet bread. "No..." Samantha said "It has animal products in it..." "Oh..." Bill said "You're a vegan?" "More then vegan." Samantha said "I only eat raw fruits and vegetables, I eat nothing cooked...I don't even drink juice I drink only water." Bill's eyes widened he ate more animal products then this Girl and he was a Farm Animal...But then as a Bovine wasn't it only right he drink cow's milk? "I see..." Bill said looking Samantha up and down "I hope you don't find this rude but for a Human living only on foliage you don't look skeletal." Samantha replied "I eat a special kind of seaweed native to Aqua that gives me all the nutrients I need...It's a long story...I'll tell you when I escape...Have you eaten you fill?" "Yes." Bill said |
| "Try to act scared out of your mind," Suggested Sam, wrapping one hand around the short lead attached to his collar for show. "Hunch forward a little bit, like I might be about to zap you." They passed on through the dim corridors for a little ways like that, both fiercely pretending they were walking completely casually and not in a controlled sneak. "Wait!" Said Bill at length, whispering sharply. "What about the other humanimals? Wranglers wouldn't go all the way to Earth for just me, would they? Where are the other's they've kidnapped?" |
| Bill and Samantha overheard 2 guards in conversation, "We got some primo slaves up for auction, do you think Lord Darksied's son Lord Julius will be bidding on them?" "Nah, he's too busy at the Cauldron breaking in a new slave, some Wolf Humanimal." Bill whispers "The Cauldron? What's that?" (HERTZ! Darksied's son is JULIUS Lord Voltaire IS NOT Darksied's SON! Get your freaking facts straight before you post them!!!) |
| "It's the machine that converts Animals to Humanimals." Samantha said "Is that what they're calling it now?" Bill asked "There are many captives here..." Samantha said "If I could free them all I could...But I can't I can only free you because your a member of the Legendary Fellowship Herd." Bill's ears perked up, she said 'herd' not 'crew' that showed she knew something about Humanimal culture. "Here." Samantha said "We'll go down here." "But this is a garbage disposal!" Bill whispered horrified "I don't want to be diced up like potato skins and carrot nubs!" "Wranglers never recycle." Samantha replied "They just dump...Quickly now! Before anyone sees us!" They slid down the tube...To Bill's surprise the Wrangler Ship was still in Earth's atmosphere...They were using a super powerful cloaking device to hide their relatively small ship, it was only the size of a two story house. And they were about to go plummeting into the Atlantic Ocean. Samantha was prepared, she removed her Wrangler outfit revealing a bright blue bikini. Bill might have been impressed with her figure...If he wasn't occupied with the plummeting They fell into the ocean, it wasn't that much of a drop...Samantha started swimming like a Dolphin...Bill floundered for a bit before he floated to the surface. Samantha made a strange sound underwater and Bill felt something large appear beneath him...A Blue Whale! Bill and never seen such a large Animal before! The Whale was carrying them to the shore! "How is this possible?" Bill asked Samantha gestured to a large Pearl she wore in her hair. "The Spirit of the Sea gave this to me when I was twelve." She said "With this Pearl I can communicate with Sea Creatures." "The Spirit of the Sea?" Bill was more confused then ever before. |
| "A water-sea?" Spluttered Bill, before realizing that that probably sounded foolish. methane or some acidic chemical was far more likely. "What planet?" He hazarded. Then it struck him that that probably sounded dumb as well, considering her home's name. Well now wasn't he representing his Herd well? Samantha didn't seem bothered. "On Aqua!" She called over the roaring of water being rudely displaced. "We've got whole oceans of dihydrogen monoxide there; just like here, really. There's a story as to why I got this Pearl, see…" |
| Suddenly a small Federation scout ship hovered over Bill and Samantha, the cockpit opens and the pilot(a Red Squirrel Humanimal) say, "I thought you were strolling in New England not hanging out in a desert island with someone, by the way who's your new friend?" Bill says "This is Samantha Jim,and why I'm on a desert island is a long story." Jim says "Tell it on the way over, come on. The captain wants wants to see us." |
| "Samantha saved me from certain death." Bill said as he got into the ship with Jim "She was a Wrangler but she doesn't want to be." "I want to get my Uncle Dan and Aunt Margret away from Planet Aqua and here to Earth." Samantha said "They're the only family I have left." |
| "It's not up to me," said the squirrel. "There's those regulations and whatnot." |
| "What? But you're Jim! You're part of the Herd! Can't you ask your captain or something?" Cried Sam. Jim looked more than a little weary at her intensity. "Well, I guess you do have a point, Mataoka could definitely pull some strings. Thing is, though, that could get her in some hot water if any body heard about ti. There are a lot of racists still running around down here, and Mat's too much of a hero for me to risk putting her in a bad light." "You mean you're not going to help me at all?" Bill stepped forward, as much as possible in the tiny cabin, water sloughing off and soaking the floor. "Well, hold on a second. A new identity and a piece of Federation real 'state is part of the standard package we give to informants in Wrangler space and their families. If we can classify you as some kind of Imperial traitor, we might be able to do something about your relatives." |
| Bill, Jim and Samantha got back to the fellowship and they joined the rest of the herd as Samantha sat on a guest chair, Matoaka says "It seems we have a guest. We'll greet her soon but first things first, we have a new recruit." A wolf Humanimal has came in on cue and she continues "Meet James, our resident mercenary." Samantha whispers to Bill "Perhapse James could help us, he looks rebellious." |
| James looked at Samantha "Are you Samantha Star? The Niece of the Marine Biologists Dan and Margaret Star?" "Yes." Samantha whispered "I know your Uncle and Aunt well." James said "And I also knew your parents they were good people." "They died in a car accident." Samantha's whisper was so soft it sounded like her voice was broken. "I know..." James whispered sympathetically "We;ll try to get your Aunt and Uncle to Earth." "Let's get supper ready!" Minsk said "And I am PUMPED for supper tonight!" Ichabod said "Because we're having king crab legs!" Bill's ears drooped when Ichabod brought out a big bowl of crab legs...He knew those were not vat grown crab legs. Those were the actual legs on Non-Anthro King Crabs. Samantha looked away and said nothing "Samantha..." Bill whispered "I'm fine Bill..." Samantha said, she gulped down bile "I'm sorry..." Bill said "No really Bill I'm fine!" Samantha said "I'm not mad at your friends..." Then she ran outside to vomit "Is she allergic to seafood?" Ichabod asked "She's a Vegan." Bill responded "A Vegan who has the ability to communicate with Sea Animals, she called a Blue Whale to save us from drowning." Oh." Ichabod said blushing he was familiar with Aquaman and his ability to communicate with sea creatures was this girl one of Aquaman's kind? Bill rushed outside where Samantha was vomiting, he rushed over and held her hair for her "How you feel?" Bill asked "The forest air is clearing my head..." Samantha said as she sat down on a large rock "Thank for holding my hair." "How did you get that pearl?" Bill asked "What's your story?" Samantha explained that shortly after her parents died when she was twelve and her Aunt and Uncle took her in, while sailing with them on their boat, Samantha fell overboard, and was rescued by the Dolphins. (She had to explain that Aqua like many planets had replaced the native species with Earth species during colonization, the Imported Animals of Aqua's Sea were very intelligent, and they took her to the World Beyond the Waves the Kingdom of Sea Creatures, there she met the Dolphin Prince Francis and his Brother and Sister Dory and Bonny, there the Sea Creatures told her about how man had harmed them, Samantha heard the tales of woe from Sturgeon to Sailfish...And she realized how cruel Man had been to the Animals. "I told my story to my Aunt and Uncle..." Samantha said "Three days after they found me, when they saw me conversing with fish...I told them I could now understand Animals with the Pearl I had found...And I could hear their screams...Uncle Dan said they were going vegetarian." "But not Vegan?" Bill asked "Uncle Dan grew up on a farm."Samantha replied "He told me Hens don't mind having their unfertilized eggs taken away and Cows don't mind being milked." "As a Bovine I can honestly say that's true." Bill said "Cows don't mind being milked...Humanimal Cows will donate excess Milk to charity." "I don't hate my Aunt and Uncle for what they eat." Samantha said "I realized long ago that there is no point in trying to change what Humans eat...So instead of crusading for Veganism I spent more time in crusading for Ocean Protection." "That sounds like a Worthy Cause." Bill nodded "I never hurt or insulted my fellow Humans" Samantha said "I wasn't one of those obnoxious PETA types tried to lobby for my Animal Friends with peace and diplomacy...I got along with Humans just fine...The only thing was...I couldn't stand being touched by them." Bill's ears perked up "After my time in the World Beyond the Waves...I got nervous when any Human other then my Aunt or Uncle touched me...I don't hate my Fellow Humans I don't want them to go extinct...But...When I see my fellow Humans, I remember the screams of the Animals and I see Monsters...I don't want to be a Human myself...I wish I was anything BUT a Human...And I feel no sexual attraction towards my own kind." |
| "Well that's ….Odd." Said Bill neutrally. "Here on earth, many people are attracted almost exclusively to members of their own species. Even more refuse to entertain relations outside their phylum. I can't say I understand those people; it's just so limiting. How did people view inter-species romance on Aqua, before they joined the Wranglers?" |
| Meanwhile on the planet Aqua, Lord Julius overseen his mission as he used a wolf in the Cauldron, his partner says "The test seem to be successful my lord." Julius says "Yes Voltaire, he'll make a fine soldier. I call them Hunter. Now let's see about those Marine Biologists and those dolphins they 'helped' captured for us." |
| "I don't know how they viewed interspecies romance," Samantha said. "It's not a subject I've ever been interested in. I know all my family were humans and their friends were mostly humans. If there were any interspecies romances going on, I didn't know about them." |
| Bill and Samantha were quiet for a moment, just soaking in the night air, listening to the sounds of the Connecticut Forest. "All around me I hear screams of pain and distress." Samantha said "Even though the Pearl I wear allowed me to command Sea Creatures, I can understand creatures of the Land as well, I've spoken to Bears and Bison, Kangaroos and Koalas. I can hear the screams of all sorts of creatures all the time...Can you hear them Bill?" Bill perked up his ears and strained for a sound beyond the Crickets and Frogs...In the distance he heard a sound...A Rabbit's human like scream. "I think I hear a Rabbit screaming..." Bill said "Probably the work of Humans..." Samantha mumbled "Could just as easily be the work of a Fox or Weasel..." Bill said "Humans aren't just the only ones who hurt Animals, Animals hurt Other Animals all the time...As an Herbivore I know this better than anyone...You can't just fault Humans...Lots of Animals do far worse things...Especially in the case of parasites." Samantha sighed "I know..." She looked away wistfully "But sometimes..." She whispered "I wish for a World where Humans could be separated from the Animals, every last Animal, from the tiniest Flea to the largest Whale, the Humans would no longer be able to harm the Animals and the Animals would live free and unencumbered." Bill's jaw dropped when he heard this "And how would such a thing work?" He asked scornfully |
| "Kid, you've got a lot to learn about life," James said. "As for finding a world with Earth-animals, but no humans, you'd find only an empty, and hostile, world." "How would you know this?" Bill asked. James picked up a crab leg, and with the moves of an experienced sheller, removed the meat, using his claws, and ate it. "I've seen a few things." "So, just what is your role?" Bill asked. "I'm whatever the situation dictates," the wolf said. "If my orders are to train you on how to fight with nothing but a toothpick, you can wager that by the end of your training, you can use a toothpick to kill someone from fifty feet away, and remain undetected." Jim chuckled at this. "How would that be useful?" "What if you have to pose as a food server, in order to kill someone, and all you've got are toothpicks?" James asked. "Knowing how to throw one the right way would mean the difference between giving the guy a sliver, and causing them to appear to be choking to death." "So, you fight using toothpicks?" Bill asked. "No, I'm a Weapons Specialist, in a manner of speaking," said James. "If it's a weapon, or can be used as a weapon, I can use it to kill someone, either to eliminate a foe, or to send a message." "What do you normally do?" Samantha asked. "I organize Resistance forces on Wrangler-held planets that are ripe for Rebellion," the wolf said. "It's my job to organize the various forces, train them, get them to work together, and of course, arm them." |
| "Oh. I see. You know, I don't think I ever asked you just what your job was until now." Said Jim. Bill looked back at Samantha. He held that position for a few seconds, until she might have actually noticed him staring, then spoke to distract suspicion. "So, what's it like being a Wrangler soldier? Was training that bad? Did you see any action before raiding here? What's the mood like towards the War at the moment?" |
| Samantha said, "The training was a nightmare, but if I had my choice, I would've helped by Aunt and Uncle with their work and be with my 3 Humanimal friends." Bill says, "Typical, the Wranglers force citizens in their ranks." James says "Perhaps I could use them as a rebellion, who are your 3 friends?" Samantha says "Leon the lion, Justifier the eagle and Cooper the raccoon." (Author's Note: Aunt and Uncle Hertz...Samantha is an orphan like Dorothy Gale) |
| Bill quietly watched Samantha as she spoke. He was struck by how graceful all her movements were. She never seemed to exhibit any awkwardness or clumsiness. |
| "All right." Matoaka said "We can get your Aunt and Uncle back...The Federation could use some Zoologists who also know the the inside secrets of the Wranglers." |
| "I'll pass the info onto some friends, and, unless you've got any personal preferences, they can smuggle your family and friends to Earth, or another destination of their choosing," said James. "Can you really do it?" Samantha asked. "It's how I get behind Enemy Lines, and Back, most of the time," the wolf said. "These people a good, though they tend to operate slightly outside the law." "You'd seriously suggest using smugglers as part of a rescue mission?" Matoaka asked. "They have their uses," James said. "As it is, I know a lot of people." "Like who?" Bill asked. "Let's just say I know someone who can seriously upgrade this ship, give it the firepower to take down a battle station the size of the Moon, and make this thing fast enough to escape the gravity of a black hole, but make it look like just the standard model, with the same amount of energy utilization." Matoaka's eyes bulged out at this. "Are you serious?" James took out another crab leg, and got the meat out. "As serious as a heart attack." |
| Mataoka paused for a moment to look up 'heart attack'. "All right, nice as it would be to have a ship like that, it would bankrupt half the Federation. It'd be cheaper to just make a new star fleet. In any case, I should be able to scrounge up some credits from High Command -I can exercise some discretion in just who they go to, so we should be to pay your friend without a hitch, but I'm going to need something to justify it. I'll have to file to make this an 'Operation' or whatever -pencil pushers hate it when their money disappears without a credible reason, and getting this authorized will take time." Her ears pricked. "Come to think of it, Samantha, will the Wranglers question your relatives after discovering you've jumped ship? They might think that you just got lost and fell out the garbage dispenser or something, but after reviewing the sec footage they'll consider you a traitor. WHat do you think are the odds of them taking it out on your Aunt and Uncle?" |
| Meanwhile back on Aqua, Julius oversees 2 Wrangler soldiers whipping Hunter's feet as he howls in pain, while in a nearby cage Leon, Justifier and Cooper just watch in horror, Leon says "We need to do something to fight back, I simply can't stand the torture he's going through." Justifier says "What can we do? These are armed soldiers." Cooper says "I hope Samantha escape for help, because we sure need it." |
| Back at the Fellowship, Kong came bursting in with an injured Bird-Man in his arms. "I found this Guy in the forest!" Kong panted "He has a shoulder wound and multiple fractures." "Oh no!" Matoaka said "He's a rare Toco Toucan, not many of that species Humanimals or otherwise still in existence...If we lose him the whole species is in danger of extinction!" "He's got something clutched in his talons." Bill said pulling the object free "It's a book!" He read the title "Dot and the Kangaroo by Ethel C. Pedley..." "Let me see that book!" Samantha exclaimed she looked at the book "Oh...Gosh..." She whispered "This is is the book I owned back when I was very small..." The inside of the book had one of those 'This book belongs to...' And Samantha Star was written on the line. "There's something on that blank page!" Bill saw the red ink Samantha read aloud "Samantha...This is your Uncle Dan, please send the Wolf-Man known as James to rescue us and your friends...You must go to Planet Krakatoa...The Volcanic Planet and take a black box from the temple of Pele...I can't tell you why...But your cause is in great danger if you do not secure the black box...We have sent the Toucan Man Joe, a Wild Humanimal from Aqua to bring you this message." "So his name is Joe." Kong said "Do you know this Bird?" "No." Samantha said "I don't know how my Aunt and Uncle found him." |
| "He's hurt badly, capt, where's your med bay?" Called Kong in the background, lugging Joe through the ship with as much care as he could muster. Mataoka bounded through a doorway. "It's in here! Crane, come give him a hand!" Meanwhile, after getting permission with a glance at Bob, Sam started accessing Krakatoa's co-ordinates on the NavCom. |
| As Samantha entered the co-ordinates, James says "While you guys secure the black box, I'm heading to Aqua to rescue Sam's Uncle along with her Aunt, friends and anyone else that needs to be rescued. As promised." Matoaka says "Good luck and be careful." |
| James got into his ship and left. Meanwhile Samantha had the Fellowship programmed for Krakatoa. She sat down in a chair and sighed "Hey Samantha." Bill said as he sat down next to her "Hey Bill." Samantha whispered "Penny for your thoughts?" Bill asked "Well..." Samantha said "I have no idea what this Black Box has to do with my mission, how my Uncle and Aunt know about it or anything else." "Meanwhile on Aqua, Uncle Dan asked Cooper "What is this Black Box again?" "It's an Ancient Artifact of Evil..." Cooper replied "It must not fall into the hands of those who would use it to destroy all life on Earth!" |
| "Is it that powerful?" Dan asked. "It's more powerful, actually," said Cooper. |
| Samantha says "Yeah, this black box seems important, question is why?" Bill shrugged, "Don't know but I'm sure he'll tell you when James reunites you two after he rescues him and the rest." |
| From space, the planet Krakatoa looked like a pizza. It was pockmarked with volcanoes and lava flows in shades of red and yellow. Other areas were darker and cooler and represented old lava flows from ancient times. The Fellowship remained in orbit while a small crew headed by Bill went down to the planet in the shuttle. |
| Bill, Jim, Bob, Kong, Edward and Ichabod, followed Samantha on the planet's surface. "What a strange place." Bob said adjusting his glasses "It looks like the volcanic area of the first Land Before Time movie...Who would want to live here." "Most people don't." Ichabod said as he looked at a map "Mostly all that's here is the temple of Pele, the Hawaiian Goddess of Volcanoes." "Well." Jim said nervously "She certainly picked the right Planet for worship!" The temple of Pele was up on a hill, at the beginning of the path was a yellow line and a sign saying 'No one with a tail beyond this point!' "No one with a tail?" Bill snorted "What to they mean by that?" he tried to step over the line and immediately received a shock! "Ow!" Bill exclaimed "What's going on?" Bob asked as he tried to put one finger over the line and his finger got the tame shock. "There seems to be a force field." Bob said Ichabod stepped over the line "I can do it just fine." He said "So can I..." Edward said stepping over the line "And me..." Kong said stepping over the line "The sign said "No one with a tail beyond this point, I'm a gorilla I don't have a tail." "Why?" Jim asked "Why would someone do this?" "I can think of two reasons." Kong said "One, for some reason people genuinely don't want anyone with a tail near the temple...Or two that force field spell is a really shoddy attempt to keep ALL Humanimals out who ever cast the spell did not realize not all Humanimals have tails." "So I guess it's just the four of us to the Temple of Pele." Ichabod said Samantha stepped over the yellow line to give, Bill a kiss on the lips "Good bye." She whispered and she stepped over the yellow line and joined Kong, Edward and Ichabod on the way to the temple. |
| Meanwhile, James was in his ship, the Lone Wolf, and he was on the Com with the Commanding Officer in Fleet's Black Ops department. "So, just how vital is this black box?" the officer asked. "My superiors are breathing down my neck, especially after that last stunt you pulled." "Sir, I followed my orders on that last mission," James said. "I kept the item from falling into enemy hands." "Yes, by destroying our best orbital surveillance station, which cost the department a third of our money to make, over a five year period, and was used by the Public to forecast the weather on twenty different worlds," the officer said. "Better that than to have the enemy use the planet killer weapon you had in it," James said. "The station was lost anyways - I managed to get the crew and others off before I blew it up, taking out a hundred enemy operatives." "Then you'd best talk to me about this box then," said the officer. "Why should I risk department resources?" "Otherwise the enemy will have something that made that station seem like a fire cracker by comparison," James said. "It's a galaxy killer." |
| This temple might be a racist place of worship, but at least it's got a cool front door. Thought Kong. The 'temple' had appeared to be buried inside of a small volcano with a huge caldera, overflowing with a lake of white magma and ringed with huge spikes of exotic rock. Colossal lavafalls of molten rock thinner than water sloughed daintily from the sides. Over all it looked like a huge clawed hand perpetually reaching from the ground and letting water run through it's fingertips, like the last grasp of a drowning man. The causeway ended at one such curtain of superheated liquid, where another forcefield formed the tunnel through it to the discreet blast-doors beyond. "…So, what now? Should we knock?" Asked Edward, as they contemplated the pitted sheet of grey metal. "Dunno. I'll ask." Said Sam, before switching her channel to the Fellowship in orbit. "Joe? Can you read me? We're at the door, but nobody's come out to greet us. How do we get inside?" |
| Joe said "There should be an inscription on the door, it's a riddle on how to get inside, but be forwaned, too many mistakes could result in a hot lava bath." |
| "Joe says there is a riddle inscribed on the door," Sam said. The four of them looked closely at the huge door. There was an elaborate design engraved into the metal, but it seemed to be purely decorative. "You would think there would be words or symbols or something if there was a riddle," Edward said. Kong scratched his chin. "All I see is a design. It reminds me of old books from 19th century earth, the expensive leather ones with tooled designs." "Maybe the design is the riddle," Ichabod suggested. Kong laughed. "You mean the riddle is why is there no riddle?" "It's a map!" Sam said. "What? How do you know that?" Edward asked. "I just feel it." Sam said. "See these round areas? I think those are volcanoes." She called the Fellowship. "I'm going to send you a picture of the door. Can you compare it with a map of the surface of the planet for me?" "Sure," Matoaka said. |
| Samantha felt the marks "Wait!" She said "These marks are an old alien language! It does have a riddle! The riddle is...What animal goes on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs at night." "Oh that one's real easy." Ichabod said "Man." That's when the doors opened." "How did you know that?" Samantha asked "Please." Ichabod snorted "That riddle is as old as the hills." They entered the temple, that's when they saw the Black Box...It was not merely a box." "That's not a box..." Kong said "...That's a casket!" In the center of the room was a large black coffin. "You know what that means..." Kong said "...It's not so much the Box itself but who or what is in this Box that's the artifact of doom!" "How do we get this box out of here?" Edward asked "Luckily...My Gorilla strengh comes in handy in times like this." Kong said lifting the coffin and putting it over one of his mighty shoulders. Just then Samantha heard some familiar screaming. "I hear something!" She said "Someone in pain! It's coming from that dark hallway!" She said Before anyone could stop her she raced down the dark hallway and opened a door labeled 'Reincarnation Room' There inside were six animals, a Lioness, an Arctic Fox, a Chipmunk, a Spotted Salamander, a Black Jaguar and a Giant Anteater all in cages, and a all of them except the Anteater were female. The other three came into the room. "Help us! Help us!" The Lioness roared "Did....Did that Animal just talk?" Kong asked "What do you mean?" Ichabod asked "It didn't talk it just roared like any other Lion would." (Author's Note: OK for all the other Author's let's just assume if this was a cartoon, what Samantha and Kong would be hearing is the Animals speaking like humans, what Edward and Ichabod would be hearing is a bunch of Animals making noise, I'm going to explain Kong's shock) "OK the Lioness didn't speak in any language YOU understand." Kong said "But she spoke Animalese like a Humanimal not like an Animal." "Animalese?" Edward was confused "You know when we talk in Animal noises?" Kong asked "You know when I go 'Hoo Hoo Hoo' that's Animalese I hate your guts...Every Animal speaks Animalese just with a different dialect." "Wait..." Ichabod said "Are you saying All Animals are intelligent?" "If you ask because if you're wondering every time you eat beef you're eating a person then no." Kong said "Bill knows that Animals Cows are like Neanderthals and Humanimal Cows are like Cro-Magnon or Modern Humans...The reason I was so shocked at these Animals speaking is they have proper syntax and grammar...If you could understand Animalese you'd see most Animals have only the most basic of vocabularies...Large Reptiles rarely say more the 'Me Hungry' 'Me Thirsty' or 'Me Hungry' more Large Mammal Herbivores and Carnivores aren't much more sophisticated...You know what poor grasp of grammar Apes who do sign language have? In nature that's how they speak to each other in their own language." "Please!" The Anteater pleaded "You can explain all this later! Right now we need to get out of here!" "We can talk because we're reincarnated Humans..." The Lioness said "We came from another World, where Humans destroyed each other over a religious war, we were all people who used the war for our own gain so we got reincarnated into Beasts to do penance. I am Demetria, the Anteater is Arnold, the Fox's name is Vixen. the Jaguar's name is Glen, the Chipmunk is Shimmer and the Salamander is NekoShard...We were all captured by an evil cult you uses Humans reincarnated as Animals to perform evil spells!" "All right..." Edward said "Let's get you out of here...Lucky for you I'm an expert on picking locks." After he got all the Animals free Ichabod scooped up the Chipmunk and Salamander "Here you two..." He said "You'll be safer in my pocket..." (Author's Note: Let;s just assume Kong and Samantha translated for the Animals to Edward and Ichabod) |
| "Can we get out of here now?" Ichabod asked. "It feels like that scene in an Indiana Jones remake where the guy removes a treasure, and the temple collapses." |
| Before they get a chance to leave with the black coffin and re-encarnated animals, they heard a voice boom "Who dares steal the secred artifacts of King Volcania!?" The lioness says something in animalese, Samantha translated it, "It's the cult leader, we have to get out of here before they find us." |
| When the Followers appeared, they were not prepared for the horror that awaited them. "HOLY MOTHER$&(*% ^ &(&!" Ichabod screamed "WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE?!" "Augers..." Kong said "Horrible blood sucking monsters!" Ugly demonic creatures came forth, they looked like Vampires with lamprey mouths. "Oh! Oh Gods!" Kong screamed "They're going to suck the blood out of me!" He dropped the Coffin and everyone else ran away...Too overcome with fear to look back. When they reached the Fellowship, Samantha was in tears. "I failed..." Samantha wept into her hands "I had one task...And I failed." "Samantha..." Bill whispered "It's OK..." "How do you know that?" Samantha asked "I know how these things work..." Bill said "Even if we secured the artifact the bad guys would have taken it anyway...The way these things work is that the bad guys are going to attempt to destroy the world and we stop them...That's the way these things go." The End! |
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