I enjoyed the sentiments expressed, the word pictures they created are right on
these are my favorite lines:
Every time he looked at me, my breath caught , I sighed.
With every smile of his, my joy I couldn't ever hide.
good use of rhymes
my one issue with he poem is the format. It feels like the lines are too long which leaves me with an awkward feel to the flow of the poem for some reason. Maybe breaking the sentences at the commas, making each stanza four lines, not two would help that ?
The following section applies to this forum item as a whole,
not this individual post.
Any feedback sent through it will go to the forum's
owner, Leila.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/forums/message_id/2297842
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 6:51am on Nov 17, 2024 via server WEBX1.