.…and latest reports have her at 141 feet tall. Surveyors have been flying over head taking measurements…stay tuned to KHYT for more on this incredible story. “See if you can find out more. I can’t believe a giant woman has invaded the city,” Pam gushed to her roommate Tanya as she tuned the car radio dial to another station. “It’s 12 Noon. KRES 1019 AM Radio has just received more information on Ms Kerri Taylor, the sunbathing- tourist-turned-giant. What authorities know so far is limited, but somewhere out in the Kelston Bay, the brunette 26-year old Ms. Taylor, clad in a nothing more than a bikini, and in a deep slumber on her pool raft transformed from a 5’4’’ woman into a monstrous 140 foot giant.
Eyewitnesses say that Ms. Taylor drifted in the bay, where it encountered a Coast Guard boat, crashing into it with such force, the vessel sank. The crewmembers were later rescued [“We couldn’t believe our eyes, we, ya know, just called out an emergency, this enormous blue float with a giant lady on it came at us so quick…she was just out cold or sleeping or something,” one of the crew stated on record for KRES Radio]. More troubling for authorities now is that the 200’ raft carrying the young sunbather has drifted into the mouth of the Kelston River and has snagged itself along one of the largest bridges on the winding waterway. Police and EMT are rescuing several motorists injured when Ms. Taylor made contact with the bridge. Police have urged people to remain calm.”
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
So that's right dude, meet me at the bleachers
No principals,no student-teachers
Both of us want to be the winner, but there can only be one
So I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all
Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you
That's right I'm the last one standing, another one bites the dust
Kerri, lightly tapping her feet to the beats and mouthing the lyrics under her breath, leaned forward lazily as she remembered the shiny gold Victoria’s Secret beach tote bag between her legs. GOSH, EVERYTHING GREW, Kerri marveled aloud as police and others still on the bridge jumped at her booming voice. Kerri rifled through the tote and pulled out her $200 pair of Oakley sunglasses and a banana, which itself had grown to roughly 20 feet. GOD, THIS SUCKER IS HUGE, Kerri laughed as she applied her sunglasses over her eyes and peeled back the fruit, releasing a pungent banana aroma. Caught up in the moment, Kerri sang along out loud…
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit
Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This shit is bananas)
(B-A-N-A-N-A-S)
Again
This shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This shit is bananas)
(B-A-N-A-N-A-S)
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
So caught up in the moment she was, munching on a giant banana, rocking out and gazing at the people and traffic just 2,000 feet from her on the Downtown Expressway, the giant hadn’t yet seen through her Oakley sunglasses to her left, several police officers waving their hand up to her. Finally, one police officer sounded a loud screeching siren, its high pitch squeal piercing through the funky beats blasting in Kerri’s ear. With mouth stuffed with banana, Kerri picked the earbuds from her lobes as her oversized Oakley’s gaped at the roadway. WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE MATTER? AM IN THE WAY? I’VE BEEN WATCHING, AND NOTICED MOST PEOPLE ARE BEING HELPED. (Pointing to two overturned cars) IF YOU WANT I CAN REACH OVER THERE AND TURN THOSE CARS OVER FOR YOU. “Ma’am, we don’t mean to disturb your enjoyment, but we need to ask you not to shift and gyrate in your raft, since the movement is creating waves that are hitting up against the bridge’s supports and rocking the roadway. The tow trucks are having a hard time moving cars. And people are losing their balance.”
Kerri sat in her raft stunned as she processed what the policeman said, only the peaceful sound of the river water smacking against her raft answered back. Giant Kerri was amazed that such ordinary movements could produce such awesome effects. As she scanned the bridge’s surface, taking in several ambulances, police cars and rescue vehicles tending to wrecked and overturned cars, it finally occurred to her that this was no “Mega Kerri 2.0” video shoot or other fun video on KerriGiantess.com, these were real accidents, real people going to the hospital.
With a large chunk of banana tucked in her cute cheeks, Kerri struggled to find the right words at such a crossroads moment; officers in uniform, helpless motorists in tiny cars juxtaposed the jumbo sunbather in a bikini, pampering herself, pretending that the world has not changed. UM, OK, IF YOU NEED…the stringy portions of the banana had caught in Kerri’s throat, as the 140 foot female coughed and hawed to find the next sentence. Kerri fisted her chest to clear her airways.
Pam and Tanya followed closely behind a large tractor trailer as they rolled down the Downtown Expressway at roughly 40 mph. “God, Pam, could imagine being that tall. Shit, things I could get done and, think, I could have any man I wanted,” Tanya sighed. “Yeah, that would be totally hot,” Pam pondered. “Watch out!,” Tanya cried as Pam slammed on the brakes. The large truck in front of them had slowed down precipitously as its trailer began to jackknife. The loud yawn of 18 wheels grinding to a stop on the pavement was followed by the crashing sound of several cars colliding with the now overturned trailer. The culprit was seemingly innocuous, yet foreboding; Kerri, sunbathing goddess had successfully coughed up the banana strings, but the ensuing force catapulted the banana chunk she was indulging onto the roadway, directly in the path of the 18-wheeler. The truck tried to swerve and miss the four foot high, four foot wide stump that once was under a ripe banana peel, but the vehicle hit it head-on, catching pound after pound of fruit in its axles, tires and brakes as the driver struggled in vein to correct the situation. Banana, its moistness accented with the saliva of the giant, spread like margarine all over the roadway. Cars, one after the other skid and scattered at high speeds as the air filled with the punctuated sounds of metal on metal, pandemonium as palpable as the pungent bouquet of banana and saliva in the midst of chaos. Up to a quarter-mile of once orderly moving traffic looked like a jumble of matchsticks as people and cars were tangled and strewn.
A small curl of a smile emanated from the corner of her glossy lips. Kerri sat in back in her raft as she watched the whole disaster play out through her sexy Oakley’s, only her bare feet in the foreground blocked her view partially. Moving her right foot over, she made out the overturned trailer that separated from it cab. “This is no giantess video, these special affects are a lot better!” Kerri thought to herself. Feeling ever pampered, she bit off another large chunk of banana, turned to the tiny people on the bridge, whet her lips as she lightly pointed to the ensuing commotion a few football fields away and suggested, I COULD TOTALLY HELP THOSE PEOPLE IF YOU’D LIKE. Giggling with creativity, THEY SEEM TO BE GOING….BANANAS? UH, I’M TOO MUCH, Kerri gasped as she rolled her eyes with a cute smile. BUT IF YOU INSIST I SIT HER AND WATCH ALL YOU LITTLE PEOPLE COME THEIR RESCUE, THEN SUIT YOUR PUNY SELVES.
Kerri leaned back, sighed as she lazily crossed her legs and pushed her sunglasses higher on the bridge of her nose. As though she forgot to turn off a hot iron, the 140 foot beauty plugged the music player’s earbuds back in her ear with utmost urgency, lip-syncing and luxuriating in…
A few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit
Let me hear you say this shit is bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S
(This shit is bananas)
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