I had hoped that this would be it... but it was not to be. A third time a billowing cloud of pure noxious stench exploded out from the above me. I actually whimpered a bit as the atrocious smell hit my poor burning nostrils. This was horrible, around me only the people in front of me were still in line but they had crowded around the doorway and weren't going to be moving any time soon. I didn't know what to do so I quickly called up Kristi.
"Hey you pick up the tickets yet?"
"No I haven't, the line is long but that's the problem. This is a horrible situation, I don't know what to do! Someone is on the bleachers and they are farting and now I'm covered in their stench. Its horrible! I... I think I need to get out of line."
"YOU BETTER NOT!"
I winced at her angry shout.
"I have been wanting to go to this concert for a long time so you are just going to have to deal with it, understand carl?"
I couldn't say no to her so I meekly replied. "Y-yes, y-your right I'll stay in line."
At the other end of the phone I could hear laughter.
"I have to say this is kind of funny. I used your money to get those tickets. And now your stuck in line getting farted on. Hahha what a stinky loser you are."
That hurt... she had never called me a loser before. She had demanded things of me and told me what to do and had me give her money. But she hadn't called me a loser or made fun of me like this.
"And you know this might even get worse for you soon. If she's this gassy I bet she really needs to unload and with the lines to the bathroom sooooo damn long there's no way she could make it in time."
That thought horrified me.
"S-should I say something to her? Ask her to stop farting and hold it in." I was of course whispering into the phone so others couldn't hear me.
"What? NO! That would be rude, you asshole. Just be quiet and let her fart on you, let her spray you with the gas that comes out of her ass. Haha that actually rhymed."
"Oh ok I won't. Uhm Kristi she's tapping her LARGE golden sneakers again, I think she's going to let out another fart."
"Good, get sprayed with all of her gas."
PFPPPFFBBBRRRTTTT
I coughed and gagged as the burning scent of death invaded my body. I could hear Kristi laughing over the phone as I coughed and nearly retched from the sheer nausea that had enveloped me.
"Oh that was perfect, I needed a good laugh, all right stop whining to me and get the tickets I'm going to hang out with this cutie I saw in the parking lot for a bit."
I tell her goodbye sadly. I really loved her, and not just as a friend. She was the perfect girl and I was too scared to say anything, though that was probably a good thing since I saw no sign she viewed me as anything more than a friend. Still, it hurt when she talked about other guys and it hurt more than she thought my horrible situation was funny.
The line hadn't even moved at all and I saw those cursed LARGE sneakers tapping heavily. Before I realized it something was descending down from the level up. Oh shit, oh shit, I froze in panic and a thick log of green shit was dropping down. It was at least a foot wide and three times as long. The log crashed into my shit, I shuddered in disgust. The green sticky shit clung to it and I wanted to just run away. Instead I stood there as the top half of the log broke off sideways and dropped down to splatter onto my shoes. Some of the shit wedged into my shoe and onto my sock and I couldn't take it anymore.
I texted Kristi in desperation.
"SHE SHIT ON ME. I HAVE CRAP ON MY SHIRT AND SHOE."
"LOL She actually shit on you? Haha you are like her literal toilet!"
"The smell its so bad Kristi I can't do this I need out of line."
She texted back instantly.
"NO. Don't be a pussy, its just a little shit. Take it like a man for once in your life."
What did she mean by that? Ugh the smell was so corrosive I just wanted to get out of here. Instead like a pathetic fool I texted back.
"ok ok, I'll stay put, plz don't be mad at me. Maybe if I tell her something she'll stop."
"don't it was probably just an accident."
"she probably had no where else to go"
Why was your only friend defending this monster who had farted and took a dump on you! It wasn't fair. You weren't sure how to get through to Kristi but you knew you couldn't go against her. You cringed as the LARGE golden shoes above you started tapping again. This was a nightmare!
"omg take a selfie with the shit on your shirt, send it to me!"
"what? but I don't want people to see me with shit on me..."
"carl stop being a bitch and do it."
Face reddening with embarrassment and distress I quickly snapped a few selfies with the shit clearly visible and send it over to Kristi.
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