Brian Griffin proudly strolled into the Griffin household with a grin on his face. There was an unusually high air of smugness radiating off the white dog today, and it wasn't hard to see why.
"Hey!.. hey Stewie!" Brian eagerly chimed for attention from the annoyed kid sitting on the couch reading the newspaper, "Do ya.. can you see anything different about me?" Brian asked, making sure to puff out his chest and pose in a faux-relaxed manner that showed off his biceps.
For the past few weeks, ever since a girl Brian had been dating suggested he had "more cushin for the pushin" Brian had been in panic mode, instantly joining a gym and going into workout overdrive, not only losing his slight winter weight, but actually making himself more fit and trim than he had ever been before in his life, not that that was saying much. But along the way of his exercise craze, as Brian had progressively gotten fitter, it had the unfortunate side-effect of also making Brian act more and more confident and douchey. By now, even though Brian's muscle gains were honestly not that huge or well defined and his weight loss could only reasonably put him into the 'average' class at best, Brian had become insufferably smug.
"Hmmm, no." Stewie replied in his best uncaring and aloof voice, lying that he didn't notice Brian had beefed up just a little bit more since he last saw him, "What? Have you, uh, have you gotten a new hair do?" Brian just snorted in reply.
"You know Brian, it says here in this advice column that sometimes personality is more important than appearance in a relationship, having a sexy body doesn't mean jack if the guy or gal behind it only wants to stare at themselves in the mirror all day, isn't that interesting?"
"Hmph, and why are you telling me that?"
"Oh I just thought you might find it thought provoking, maybe a theme you could expand on in your novel, you know, that novel you were writing before you spent all your time at the gym?"
"Hey, I don't spend all my time at the gym, I go shopping at health food stores, and uh, go to the pool in the mornings, I... do lots of other things. Besides, my book isn't a fiction novel anymore, it's going to be a motivational biography on how I got buff and you can be too!"
Stweie had to suppress a scoff of laughter, "Well, that sounds looooovely, a real page turner. "
Brian was about to retort, but was stopped when Peter burst in to the room with an urgent announcement. "Guys, you'll never believe what happened! Me and Joe were trying to put on a benefit concert for children without menopause insurance when during my big Miley Cyrus impersonation routine Quagmire got hit by a wrecking ball! He's dead!"
"Oh, that's a... disappointment, really, a shame." Brian replied, tail wagging.
"Anyway Brian, before it's too late I'm going to take his body all over the world and finally fulfil Quagmire's bucket list, it'll be great! This will take a couple of years, but I've got my plane ticket and leaving in half an hour. I'll phone Lois to tell her when I'm at Niger. Heh, Niger." And with that he was off.
"Huh..." Both Brian and Stewie said in unison.
"Whatever, I'm going to, uh... not stare at myself in the mirror now." Brian replied, happier than ever. Stewie watched out of the corner of his eye as Brian walked out the room with cocky swagger, he was ashamed to admit the sway of his butt was mesmerizing. He spent a few seconds thinking about what it must feel like to squeeze before he realized what he was doing and recoiled in disgust, "Gah, something must be done about that damn dog, he's acting like a self-satisfied jock... If I could just doing something about that damn attractive body of his... he'd be back to being his regular self-satisfied pseudo intellectual self in no time... Wait, I got it!" A wicked smile crossed Stewie's face as he concocted his plan.
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