This choice: "Perhaps I could 'befriend' her, and help her get fatter?" • Go Back...Chapter #3Keep Your Friends Close, and Your Entrees Closer by: KaptainKq   The Big Bad Wolf spent a good five minutes mulling over all of the information he'd gathered from his relatively-short scouting mission. As soon as he'd finished considering all of the useful facts (of which there were probably only five, maybe eight, tops), he began to fantasize about "little" Penellope, and how much further from "little" she could possibly go. He was a hungry wolf, no doubt about it, but he could be a patient wolf, whenever he wanted. If he needed to wait a couple of months for Penellope to pack on some extra poundage, he would. But, maybe the wolf didn't have to be patient, didn't have to stand idly by as the swine ate her way up to greater size.
Yes, he could have a much more active role, if he played his cards right. He wouldn't have to watch; he could guide her to morbid obesity himself, and much faster than she could on her own! But how? He'd need to get closer to the porker, and it wouldn't be as simple as entering the house was. He'd have to gain her confidence, become a "friend" to her... But there were some clear obstacles to doing so, most plain of which was his species. Pigs don't typically trust wolves, and for good reason, of course. Wolves were cruel, ravenous, and destructive; you know, just all-around unpleasant. And Big Bad was no different from any other wolf; in fact, he was probably worse. Standing 7 feet tall, weighing 300 pounds of mostly muscle, a hulking physique not covered by clothing... No doubt a pig would look at him and run (or waddle, perhaps) for the hills.
The wolf shrugged, as he often did. Even if the odds of making productive contact with the pig were almost non-existent, he'd try, anyway. What did he have to lose? Failure only meant that he'd be eating a relatively "small" pig instead of the ball of pork and lard he was envisioning. He had a new mission, now: Befriend the pig. And his job was to figure out the best way to do that.
Mr. Wolf took the liberty, so long as he was still in the pig's home, of perusing through all of her belongings. In her room, he still only saw what he'd seen through the window; the only thing new was a small phone placed right next to Penellope's bed... Along with a stack of dirty plates. He took a peek in her bathroom, seeing more of the same from earlier. He took note of a few of the various soaps he found lying around the jacuzzi-tub: Lilac and rose. Was this important? Possibly. He spied a can of scented spray sitting on top of her toilet: Rose-scented. She certainly likes rose, it seems. A thought flashed through his mind: If he could smell the pigs... Could they smell him? The wolf winced as he realized how much "evidence" he was leaving in her home; surely, she'd smell a wolf if it had been in her room. He'd just have to take the can of spray with him, and spray it every time he left a room; hopefully, rose-scent would overpower wolf-scent, and hopefully, the rose-scent wouldn't make her suspicious. He liberally doused the bathroom with canned spray, and shot some into the bedroom, as well, before darting into the living room.
The living room was just as boring from the inside as it looked on the outside. The only thing different was that the loveseat seemed even smaller and the fireplace seemed even larger. The wolf's eyes scanned the walls, looking at all of the various portraits and photographs scattered about, all of which were very boring... Except for one which he found quite... Interesting.
It was a photograph of a somewhat slimmer, smiling Penellope Pig sitting on a bench... With a slender, smiling red fox. They had their arms around each-other, the pig leaning into the fox... And the fox feeding the pig an ice-cream cone. So, Penellope was... Open-minded, when it came to suitors, if she'd let a predator (albeit a weak one) be so close to her. The wolf grinned as he realized that he wouldn't have as hard a time as he thought he would in coming into the hog's life... Well, he knew it would still be rather difficult, but not impossible. He blasted the room with spray and ventured into the final room of the house.
The wolf was struck with a... Almost indescribable odor as he entered the kitchen. It wasn't exactly a bad smell, but it was quite overpowering. It was a smell that seemed like it was made up of at least ten other smells, probably more. Greasy fried chicken, melted cheese, garlic, sponge cake... And roses. The wolf held his breath as he wandered through the small room. He pulled open the refrigerator, finding it to be full of various flavors of soda and a number of take-out boxes. Checking the pantry, he found it to be larger on the inside than it first appeared. Not much larger, mind you, but large enough to house at least a hundred cans of soup, bags of potatoes and onions... And a chest freezer. The deep chest freezer was full to the brim with multi-gallon tubs of off-brand ice cream; not exactly surprising. The wolf blasted both rooms with another shot of rose-scent before heading back to the bathroom to replace the can. The last thing the wolf did before fleeing the house was loosen the window in the kitchen so that he might come back at a later time...
The Big Bad Wolf declared the day to be very productive, heading back to his own home to brainstorm ways to win over fat "little" Penellope for the rest of the day.
The Big Bad Wolf, feeling ambitious, decided he'd make his move as soon as possible; and today seemed like a pretty good time. He'd arrive, looking as finely-groomed as he could manage. He'd thought up a "welcome to the neighborhood" script that he'd recite to her, trying to sell to her that he was simply being neighborly. He'd present her a bundle of roses in a little wicker basket with assorted fruits, as a nicety, but figured what could really win her over was the large chocolate cake he'd brought with him.
He strolled up to her door at roughly 11 AM, figuring she'd certainly be awake at this time (and hopefully, still in the house), knocking twice. The wolf took four steps back from the door, hoping he wouldn't intimidate her, and waited to be greeted. He waited... And waited... And waited. Was she home? A few moments later, he had his answer when the door flew open, a slightly agitated and dripping-wet pig-girl standing behind it.
"Uh, hello?" Penellope flatly stated, having not quite registered who her visitor was. "I was in the middle of a bath."
"Oh, my apologies, Miss!" the Big Bad Wolf exclaimed, as cheerfully as he could. "I didn't mean to bother you! I just wanted to drop by and say 'Hello,' you know. I was walking by just yesterday and realized that you'd moved in, and I thought to myself, 'Gee, I should really come by and introduce myself!'"
The pig shifted uncomfortably, finally realizing that she was talking to a big, bad wolf, the kind her mother told her would devour her on the spot should he catch her. "O-oh..? Really? ... Th-thanks..."
"Awwwww, why do you sound so frightened? There's no need to be frightened..." The wolf feigned an expression of hurt. "I don't mean any trouble, honest! See, I just saw somebody new in the neighborhood, and I wanted to make them feel welcome..."
"O-oh, really? I'm... I'm sorry," Penellope stammered. The wolf thought she sounded a little... Guilty. That certainly works.
"Yeah... I know I'm a scary-looking wolf, but I'm not scary. I guess I'll just... I'll just go, then... But I'd be remiss if I didn't give you these." The wolf motioned towards the basket, which Penellope smiled weakly at as he handed it over to her.
"Oh, thank you!" she said hollowly as she placed it on the floor. "That was very nice of... Erm, what have you got there?.." Penellope had just noticed the large cake the wolf had brought along. Her weak smile grew bigger and more genuine by the second. The wolf half-smirked.
"Oh, this? Just a triple-chocolate cake that I baked..." The wolf, of course, didn't actually bake it, but that's beside the point. "I baked it yesterday, made the icing myself, and filled it with chocolate mousse. My friends love this recipe..." Penellope licked her snout in anticipation.
"Is... Is that for me?"
"Yeah! I thought a home-made cake would be a great way to start a new friendship. But I guess you don't really feel like talking..." The wolf faked a pout, despite feeling good. Was this working? Was his ploy actually working?
"Oh, no, no! Come in, come in! Please, I insist!"
"Oh, if... If you insist." The wolf smiled genially at his host as he hunched through the pig's doorway, brushing against the swine's bare gut as he made his way over to the loveseat, placing his cake on the coffee table and his ass on a cushion in one graceful movement. The pig, still sopping wet, bounced after him, clearly excited by his baked goods, flopping onto the loveseat with a hearty poomph and an ominous crrrreeeeak from the strained furniture. "Shall I get some plates?"
"Oh, yeah, yeah, sure! Uh, they're in the kitchen, right on the counter..." the pig said, her eyes transfixed on the rich chocolate cake. The wolf got up, only making it to the doorway before he heard the pig dive into the dessert face-first. She attacked it much like shark would kill a seal, and the wolf couldn't help but smile as the pig behaved just as pigs do. He simply stood in the doorway, watching the fatass devour all 20000 calories by herself in only four minutes.
"Oh, my..." the wolf sighed. "Somebody liked my cake!"
The pig grimaced, realizing that she'd left none for the wolf. "... Sorry." Icing and mousse coated her face and breasts.
"Oh, think nothing of it! It WAS for you, after all!"
"Ha, ha, I guess it was. Thanks! That was great! Um..."  indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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