Chapter #5The Cactus Lady by: Unknown (Note: the garden idea isn’t a bad idea, but perhaps we should take it in a different direction).
Our story begins in a greenhouse that appears to be filled with all manners of cacti. Hard at work was a young violet haired woman with what looked like red body tattoos all over her. She was wearing an indigo tank top shirt and a pair of skintight indigo shorts that emphasized her pear-shaped figure as she walked into the greenhouse wearing an apron. Her name was Temperance Collins and cacti were her hobby. She had gone through a nasty divorce months ago and had taken up raising cacti in order to cope. Temperance held up her spray bottle as she used it to water the cacti. “There you go,” said Temperance. “People think I’m strange for spending 10 hours a day on cacti, but cacti are much different from people who really don’t understand. Cacti don’t intentionally try to hurt you.”
Temperance then gasped because she saw that there was a cactus with a flower on it that was getting ready to bloom. “O.M.G.,” she said. “This is perfect. Hold that pose.” Temperance smiled and held up her camera in order to snap a photograph of the cactus about to bloom. “This is it,” she said. “This is it. Get ready to bloom.” However, before Temperance could take the photograph, there was a loud banging on the greenhouse door and Temperance was so startled that she missed and accidentally snapped a photograph of her feet. She then saw the flower had bloomed and she missed it. The young woman gave a grunt and then stomped off to find who was the one who knocked at the door.
But when Temperance opened the door, she saw that nobody was there. She looked around and found nobody but then she looked down and to her surprise, there was a small blue cactus on the floor that was shaped like a cube with a purple flower blooming from it. “Oh my gosh,” she said. “What is this?” Temperance looked at the cactus and could not believe it. “I’ve never seen a cactus that looks like this one before. In fact, I’ve heard of people growing watermelons in cubes, but not cacti.” That was when Temperance noticed a strange note with the cactus and picked it up. As she read it, she was surprised.
“I know I haven’t been the best man and you want me out of your life. I can’t say I don’t want you back, but I understand that I was the one who was wrong. What I did was inexcusable. I know you never want to see me again, but let’s end this on a happy note. No more hard feelings. I heard you like cacti, so please accept this gift. Signed, Zack.” Temperance let out a groan. Zack was her ex-husband. She had left him because he had an awful temper and even hit her once. This was out of character for him. He never cared much for her plants or her hobbies. However, it was a beautiful looking cactus, so Temperance decided to give Zack the benefit of the doubt and take the cactus in.
She placed it right on the floor and then sprayed the cactus a few times. "You're quick a cute cactus. I'll just see if there's a space up on the top shelf for you. Temperance then climbed up the ladder to reach the top of the shelf. She moved a few cactuses in order to make room for her newest acquisition. "There," said Temperance. "This looks like a nice spot."
But then suddenly, one of the rungs on the ladder broke and Temperance screamed as she fell down and landed butt first on the blue cactus and jumped into the air. Temperance yelled and screamed as she held her butt in pain. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" Temperance then started to pick out the needles from her backside and then turned around. She gave a sigh of relief that her large butt did not flatten the cactus. "Oh," she said." Thank goodness that you're alright. I wouldn't want my enormous booty to crush the newest member of my cactus family." As Temperance but the cactus in its new spot, she rubbed her ass in pain.
"I gotta admit," said Temperance. "My ass has been getting bigger every month, every since the divorce. However, my butt's always been big, ever since I was a child." Suddenly Temperance felt her butt throbbing and then she scratched it. She failed to notice that her ass was turning bright green and her skin was getting rougher and rougher. "But I must say," said Temperance. "This is why I raise cacti. Cacti won't betray you and I know we got off on the wrong... butt... but I have a feeling we will." Temperance then yelled because her ladder broke and she landed on the ground hard enough to make it crack.
Temperance grunted and tried to get up, but it was to no avail because her ass was too big. By the time Temperance finally got up, she saw that her skin had turned completely green and Temperance gasped because she was now 12' feet tall and her stomach was 8' wide while her ass was 15ft wide and managed to crack a hole in the glass wall as she backed up. Temperance grunted and then she looked up to see a pink flower blooming on her head and then she felt spikes growing all over her body and tearing through her clothes. It was as if she was turning into a human cactus.
"Oh no." Muttered Temperance.   indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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