I had hoped that I’d be spending the next few months in a judgement free home.
Considering that I’d spent the last four years getting quite comfortable with my rapidly expanding enormity, only to come home and immediately get bitched at by my Mom, it was almost sort of a necessity that my precious little feelings not get hurt; lest I comfort-eat my poor Aunt Rhonda out of house and home.
And that was why I knew, immediately, that Krystal and I wouldn’t be getting along.
Krystal came down the stairs, cell phone in hand as she blindly felt her way down to the first floor of the house. She was this skinny, vepid little thing from the get-go, I could tell. Her hair was long and blonde and very obviously dyed, with a brunette ombry that I’ll admit I was sort of jealous of. Her skin was tanned and her clothes hugged her twiggy frame tightly. She didn’t even look up at me as she came trudging down the stairs.
“Ugh, I’m comin’, I’m comin’ mama.” She said blankly, staring into her phone the entire time, “You don’t have to yell.”
“Well maybe if you’d actually came when I called you once in a while.” My aunt said with a puff of exasperated air, “I wouldn’t have to yell.”
I always remembered my cousin being somewhat spoiled. She was my aunt and uncle’s only daughter and, from what I understood, the only grandchild on my Uncle Ted’s side. I guess this was sort of the natural progression to not having any siblings to compete with. When we were kids, I just sort of wrote her off as a little sheltered. But now that she was older, and I wasn’t six, I could peg my cousin for what she had become in my absence just by looking at her: a complete and total brat.
“Krystal, aren’t you gonna say hi to your cousin Mel?” my Aunt Rhonda said invitingly as she gripped me by the doughy shoulders, “Y’know, considering y’all are gonna be living together for a while.”
For the first time since I’d seen her, Krystal looked up at her phone.
And oh my God was she shocked.
I mean, I didn’t know how fat people were down in the South, but even then I knew I was something special to see. Four hundred pounds of nineteen-year-old blubber, panting and wheezing right in the middle of her living room. Her big blue eyes widened in astonishment, as was per the routine when someone comes across someone who’d put on an atrocious amount of weight since they’d seen them last, and she found herself at a loss for words.
Never got old!
“Hey Krystal.” I said with practiced friendliness and a little rub of my gut “Long time no see, huh?”
My cousin blinked herself back to life, and replied…