The crew of the ISC Chaplain was made up of four members. First was captain Fred Williams, who was the peak of the human condition but also was the second of his graduating class in the Academy, so he knew every in and out of the ship. His second in command is engineer Michael Cogs. A large and hairy man, he had been working in ships for 10 years and knew every in, out, and between of the ship and was constantly complaining about the need for something to be done about the ship. Third was security officer Catharina, who in addition to being a pretty blonde and easily the toughest fighter on the ship, was also a princess of one of Earth's cultural monarchies, so she was always pristine and polite. Last was the navigator AI, N.I.A. She is responsible for the complex mathematical calculations necessary for FTL travel and was fully sentient. To adapt to working with humans, she inhabits a robotic body that somewhat resembles a human woman.
"Captain's Log: Day 169 of our expedition. We have entered an unexplored yellow star system, similar to Earth's sun. Our NIA unit calculates a 44% chance of life existing within the Goldilocks zone around the star, so we are setting course to their to see if any planets host potential life. End Log."
"Finally, now can you please let me check the engines?" Michael said.
"As I said, it's fine," Fred said. "You're just worrying again."
"But what if they fail in an emergency?"
"NIA, what's the probability of the engines failing?"
"Assuming gravitational forces remain consistent, approximately 0.113%," the AI said.
"See? We'll be fine."
"But what if-"
"Pardon my interruption," Catharina said softly. "But we are approaching a planet sized body."
"Ah, run a scan and show the body on screen."
A zoomed in image of what was visible through the window was put up. I planet was unusually shaped. Instead of being spherical, it was long and curvy. "Looks like a woman's body" Michael said.
"Mr Cogs!" Catharina said.
"What?"
"I concur, Cogs. It does look like a woman's body."
"Captain!" Catharina said.
"The Captain and Engineering Officer are correct," Nia said. "Celestial object has shape similar to Earth-Born human body with wider than average hips, thighs, and proportionally large breasts."
"Nia, and here I thought I could confide with you as a woman."
"It is an unencountered anomaly."
"Huh. How's that scan coming along?"
"30% complete, sir," Michael said.
"Alright, for now let's- wait, is it looking at us?"
"It appear so. Quite eery, might I add," Catharina said.
"Uh, yeah. And is it smiling?" Michael said.
"Incorrect: Planets do not have eyes and are incapable of visual perception," Nia explained.
"Those eyes though-"
"They are not eyes, they are terrestrial structures that resemble human eyes. It is impossible for them to contain-"
"Nia, that thing's head turned towards us! It IS looking at us," Michael yelled.
"Incorrect: Planets do not have heads. It is a protrusion on the celestial body that resembles a human-"
"Can you two stop arguing!" Fred said. "Cogs, set the-" Before he could finish his order, the ship suddenly shook. "What's happening?"
"I-I don't know! Our engines are off but we suddenly started moving," Cogs said.
"We are moving towards the planet at an exponentially increasing speed," Nia said. "Most likely cause: Celestial body's gravity suddenly increased enough to bring the Chaplain into its field of gravity."
"How? Why?"
"Cause: Unknown. Reason: Unknown."
"Cogs! Turn on the engines at full power and get us out of here!" Fred said.
"I'm giving it all she's got, Captain!"
Suddenly a large boom was heard from the back of the ship.
"What was that?" Fred said.
"That was the engines! I told you they would fail!" Cogs yelled.
"I thought you said it was a less than 1% chance!" Fred yelled at Nia.
"Partially correct: I said it was a 0.113% chance 'Assuming gravitational forces remain consistent.' Gravitational changes increased chance of failure by 237%."
"Damn it, Abandon ship! Get to the escape pods!"
Everyone went into one of the four escape pods, which launched into different directions as the ship crashed into the planet. The crew of the Chaplain would land...
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