(worstfailure)
"You'll be going after Scarlet Helgesson, aka the Red Whale."
Commissioner Rice opened the file and displayed a picture of the woman, angling it so even Stan could see. The woman in the photo was positively gargantuan. Standing at 6'6'' and 210 lbs, her red, pinstriped business suit must've been custom made to perfectly compliment the massive curves of her body, from her pronounced bust, to her protruding gut, to her staggeringly massive backside. Black nylon clad legs as thick as telephone poles reached down to a sharp pair of red high heels. Her platinum blonde hair was so light it was nearly white, save for a prominent streak dyed scarlet that hung loose from her French twist. Her skin was pale, her face angular and beautiful, her expression an emotionless blank slate, eyes hidden behind a pair of red tinted shades even though the photo had been taken at night.
Stan was over the moon! Emotionally, that is, physically he was still stuck on his back, struggling for air, like a fish left to dry on a rock. Finally! A real case! Real police work! A chance to prove that a tiny officer could be just as useful as a regular-sized officer. His partner, however, did not share his excitement.
"The Red Whale?" Izzy asked with a gulp. "The most feared crime boss in the city? The queen of the underworld who formed her criminal organization in the wake of the shrinking epidemic?!"
"The biggest fish that ever got away from your mother," Commissioner Rice said, nodding. "Guess your mom still wants the whale mounted as a trophy, even if her daughter's the one who catches the fish."
"Technically whales are mammals," Stan said. He'd been feeling left out of the conversation, but now that he'd reformed he was ready to chime in.
"Thank you for that contribution, Officer Padding," Commissioner Rice said. From the annoyed look on her face, she was clearing regretting ordering him be freed from Izzy's backside. "Since you're so astute, you must know why they call her the Red Whale?"
Stan was already regretting speaking up and now felt even more embarrassed at not knowing the answer. He prided himself on his extensive knowledge on criminal trivia, but here he was drawing a blank.
"Uh... um... because she's... overweight?"
Commissioner Rice gave him an icy smile. "Because just like whales, she mainly eats krill."
Stan blinked. "Krill?"
Commissioner Rice stared him dead in the eye and pointed at him. "Krill."
"Oh," Stan said, the implication sinking in. "Krill."
"Don't look so glum, Officer Padding," the Commissioner said, smiling at having wiped the eager look off his face. "Whether fish or mammal, we'll need bait to catch her. And krill like yourself may work splendidly."
Stan's enthusiasm for the case was diminishing by the minute. He thought this case would be an epic display of his skill as a lawman, but as the danger became more and more real, he started to worry what someone as small as him could do against someone as deadly as the Red Whale.
"No!" Stan thought sternly to himself. "Don't think like that! It's loser talk! You haven't just graduated from police academy but you've seen every one of their movies too! You can handle one little, ol' whale!"
"We can do it, Commissioner. Just tell us where to go!" Stan said, regaining some of his unwarranted swagger.
Commissioner Rice gave the worst pair of officers she'd ever seen an almost pitying look, as if she was already writing their obituaries.
She told them where to go.
1) The Pit: an underground fighting ring owned and frequently patronized by the Red Whale. Patrons gamble on vicious, no-holds-barred fights between women, but the majority of money comes from the Tiny Trials where little men are forced to compete in dangerous, and often humiliating, challenges for the amusement of the assembled women. In addition to their fellow tinies, these men are sometimes forced to compete against regular-sized women. The most unlucky tinies end up participating in Squash Matches where a tiny is expected to "fight" one of the Pit's stable of fighters. Needless to say, the Pit burns through tiny competitors frequently and management is always on the hunt for new meat.
Fighters are vetted by Sumiko "Squasher" Yama, a Japanese woman who has the build of a sumo wrestler and the aesthetic of a punk rocker, complete with neon green streaked black hair and a mawashi to match. At 255 lbs, amazonian muscles are masked by layers of fat. Not only is Sumiko the most vicious enforcer in the Red Whale's organization, she's the undefeated champion of the Pit. Unsurprisingly given her nickname, she's also a frequent fighter in Squash Matches. Stan will be going undercover as one of the men forced to participate in these Tiny Trials with Izzy as his "coach", secretly gathering evidence on the side.
2) The Bistro: a hidden restaurant where the main appeal is exclusively in dining on tiny men that have been prepared in only the trendiest of ways for a fine dining experience its patrons will never forget. Shipments of tinies are frequently brought in but women can also bring in their own: ex-boyfriends, despised coworkers, or any others annoyances they'd like served to them on a platter. Scarlet Helgesson is not just the owner, but a frequent diner herself. Rumor has it the majority of her meals are witnesses to her crimes, loved ones of criminal rivals, or complete randos who just looked appetizing.
In this scenario, Izzy will go undercover as a patron who brought Stan as her "meal." What could go wrong?
3) Another Other Third Thing?
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