%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #3583386 |
 | Invalid Item  [] |
| Hi Jason   Talk about suspense! Although we didn't know what was going on and who was doing what, we didn't know who Edward was, who was talking to him, we had no sense of space, how is this person seeing inside and out? How come Edward can see? Why is he sitting on his computer? All those questions can be shortcomings in another piece, but somehow they were the strong points in yours. I felt I was trapped in a space and could see nothing, and all I could hear was this desperate, pleading voice warning me of something I had no idea how to prevent. The tone of the voice was very distressed and fretful; you succeeded in making me feel the same. I think even the and the subscripts all worked together to add an element of tension in your story. By putting Edward in front of a computer, though it didn't register consciously at first, it left me with a Sci-Fi taste in my mouth the entire story. I couldn't understand why until I re-read it and saw the computer reference. I like the way you minimized the text when the voice entered the house and started whispering. This played out like a film in my head and I think that's a reflection of how you succeeded in making the reader visualize the story with all our senses. I didn't see any grammar/punctuation or spelling mistakes so good job there. I loved this story because it was different. Good Job!
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You have not yet responded to this review.