Hello l.a.p,

This is a Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

Thoughts and Feelings

I enjoyed this story a lot. It was very interesting and creepy at the same time. I really felt for the Roxy. But there are a few things that need clarification in your story.

Plot/Setting

The plot is about a roxy who has all the memories and emotions of the original version of herself but has to live as a second class citizen because she is a machine. In order to take back her life she goes and kills the original. This is a plot that works. I really never thought about the whole experience from the roxy's point of view before. If you are a copy of the original wouldn't you feel like everything had changed when you wake up? You definitely answered this question.

Characters

Like I mentioned before I really was emotionally attached to Roxy. She seemed to have everything that makes a human human, such as memories and emotions but she is forced to live as a slave. I can see why she would be upset that she was nothing now to everyones eyes.

Awesome Moments

The whole depodding of Roxy. When she sees herself, her kids, her husband, her life but they are not hers. She is supposed to be something there to work for everyones benefit. No longer a part of the family. Its an awesome philosophical question that you bring up here. What exactly makes us human?

Things to Improve

There were a few things in your story that needs more clarifying. How does the whole recycling and depodding thing work? What was going to happen to the real Diane once she was put into the pod. Since we don't know this we can't understand what will happen to her. If you explain what happens to a Roxy recycled that would help us grasp the horror of what Diana will go through inside the pod.

You mentioned a tattoo in the story. Does this identify that a Roxy is a machine and not a person? Where is this tattoo found? Why would people get units without this tattoo? Wouldn't there be cases in which people got confused about which was the real one and which wasn't? Isn't that a bit dangerous to take a chance of getting a unit without a tattoo?

You also bring up the status symbol of the Roxys' but it does not make sense to have your Roxy learn something that you won't be using. If there was a way for you to gain those memories then that would make more sense. But since this is said not to happen it seems to be a waste of money to have your Roxy go to school. If anything it seems dangerous as you proved it. This sounds like a contradiction of what the Roxys' role is in the family. I thought the point of the Roxy is to do all the work so that the original can do as they please. So that would make sense that Diane would be the one going to photography class and not the Roxy.

The updates that Jeff puts in her, you mention that they had more than photography. But what else was in them? If it was memories to stimulate sexual desire for him you should state that clearly. It is not stated so it sort of seems out of nowhere that she starts purring at him with desire.

You should talk about the black market. Talk about what is done with getting those kinds of Roxys' and how they are used normally.

In your story you have a cybernetist create a Rex of himself who also had a double. Who and what is this double that ran off with the insight that the original had? I just assumed it was another Rex but since you dont say it is I am confused.

Overall

Overall you have an interesting story that could be developed further. With the answers to the questions I have asked you could have the reader step further into your world of the Roxys'. Right now it feels like I am just sticking my toes in.

Thank you for the read.


This review is just my view of your work. I am not a professional and only bring to the table what your work meant to me. I do not mean to offend. You may disregard what ever you disapprove because this work is your voice.

jocelyva
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