Hi Louise Wiggins is Elizabeth

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Invalid Item"  on behalf of "Two-in-One Poetry Contest" .

First Impression/Thoughts:
Very sweet A nice free verse poem about the innocence of children and the warm memories of a special time and a special place.

Creativity/Impact:
I quite enjoyed the "rural" feel of this ... The references to wild flowers and the country setting added a feeling of reality to this tender tale. I thought the way you ended it was very effective and touching. Good job

Content:
You write of your memories of a first kiss although it's obvious it was more mimicry than passion . The innocence was underscored by the game of tag post-bussing . From this, you move forward in time to reveal this as a memory and place it in context of a pending marriage. I really saw this as a "good-bye" to innocence more than a farewell to Michael. I found the overall poem very touching and deceptively deep with layers of meaning (most placed by myself LOL). That's the hallmark of a good poem - to entertain and to provoke. You did both well with "First Love."

Technical Notes:

On first read, Victorian lovers who had sneaked away ... just struck me as odd sounding. I actually looked it up and was pleased to find that sometimes, two forms of a word may be correct. For example, both sneaked and snuck may be used as the past and perfect tenses for sneak.. I guess the usage is regional but thought I'd give you this in case anyone else questions it .

This was well written with no noticeable error. A quality write reflecting attention to your craft. My only suggestion would be in verse two, following "sneaked away from their chaperons," to use a semicolon since you're essentially starting a second thought and sentence.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
and a Excellent poem with nice imagery and depth. A real pleasure to read. Good luck in the contest - you should do well. (Yes, I'm returning your GPs . No other reward than the pleasure of reading your poem is required.)

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing!

Ken

You responded to this review 09/27/2011 @ 8:06pm EDT

Upgraded Membership required to use macros.Create custom macros to insert text in this editor. [Beta] X   GIPHY Search   Send a reply... Include Gift Points