Hi winterwriter

My name is Ken and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Invalid Item"  on behalf of "Two-in-One Poetry Contest" .

First Impression/Thoughts:
Love the humor in this (and secretly identify with it LOL).

Creativity/Impact:
You've taken a not-spoken-of event and turned it into a love poem . I personally find this filled with the pathos of life and thought it was very creative.

Content:
You write of the humorous side of love - "love is never having to say you're sorry." Using flatulence as your challenge to the strength of your bond, you bring an all to human face to love. I'm sure many readers will nod in understanding (although none will admit to it LOL). As far as an entry for this contest, the subject/prompt was "First Love." I didn't get that from your writing and, while I appreciate your approach, I think you missed the target.

Technical Notes:
To punctuate or not to – that is the question. Actually, with free verse it’s optional but I suggest consistency is more important. It would, however, be helpful. Just as you use your words to guide the reader through your evolution, punctuation helps the reader understand where to pause and where to stop especially if you’re going to capitalize the first letter of each line. I found myself having to go back a few times when I realized you’d switched thoughts. Just a suggestion

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:


Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing!

Ken

You responded to this review 10/03/2011 @ 3:47pm EDT

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