Hi Casey

It's just me Thank you for the opportunity tor read and comment on "Invalid Item" 

First Impression: Wow. What a great story and that it's based on fact is even more impressive. I think you've captured the heart-wrenching nature of this tragedy in a wonderful way, using great imagery. I love the final triplet and the use of internal rhyme on the last verse. It brings the sadness of the event home and yet allows an emotional closure.

Technical Comments:
I am not an expert in narrative poetry so please, take my comments as suggestions based on what I have read.

For a narrative poem, meter is the most important structure. You've chosen pentametere and you held it consistently through out the poem. It enchances the flow and reading of the poem.

The secondary focus is that the reader should be able to enjoy the poetic "journey" through the words There was a beginning (innocence), middle (tragedy), and end (emotional response). Your use of descriptive phrases paint a complete picture of the event. Although many would be tempted to focus on one part, you presented a balanced poem on the event without sensationalizing the tragedy. Well done.

Having rhyme is perhaps the third most important issue with a narrative poem. Here's the only area where I see that you could improve this. It's not so much about the mix of rhyme and free-verse, it's more a matter of consistency. Your opening stanza was abac, the second aabc, the third aabb ... I think selecting a scheme and keeping to it would enhance the flow and help the reader get into a "reading rhythm."

Over all, a great tale well told and a great read.

Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with me today.

Ken