First Response: Well written, but has minimal areas needing improvement

Spelling and Grammar: Needs the most improvement. Punctuation especially.

Good Points: Emotionally potent and well written. Word choice is organic and unique.

Suggestions: Focus more on the metaphor and impact rather than just the raw writing and emotion. Saying it well is half the battle, but it is equally important to make sure what your saying has a purpose and a deeper reason.

Overall: Good structural foundation to build upon a better piece of writing.