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 Review #3797866 |
| Please note - any suggestions are my personal opinion. Feel free to use them or ignore them. Title: The Subway Author: dwarf2012 Reviewed by: KerrieAnnS How I came by your work: This review is part of the "I Write in December-January-February" contest.First Impression: What an amazing story, really it gave me shivers. Story line / Theme: A beautifully sad story of loss; sadness builds to a pivotal point where a miraculous event happens. Characters: You develop the characters really well in this story. You manage to establish the mothers medical situation and background in a subtle way, painting a picture for the reader to absorb rather than shoving it down their throat. You explore the troubled mind of the daughter; her love for her mother, but her responsibilities leaving her unable to care for her. There is guilt, remorse, fear and they all build the tension. Writing Style/ Narrative Voice: Written in the third person and maintained throughout. Setting: There are two settings; the home and the subway. Both could be very cold and unwelcoming, but you paint a warm welcoming place with friendly staff 'duding' up the mother with nail polish and perfume as well as a 'family of strangers' on the subway. Descriptions: I've highlighted my two favourite descriptive passages although there were many. You use brilliant language to portray your message. All the nasty bruises and swelling from the frantic resuscitation efforts of the emergency crew and the IV’s and drains from being in the hospital had faded away. One short line, clever language, now I know about the mothers past in great detail and I feel compassion for her as well. Feeling her balance shift, she threw her arms in the air like a circus performer on a tightrope, flailing about to try to regain a foothold on the platform. Clever and even funny despite the morbid probability. Emotional Reaction: You hold back information and let it drip bit by bit. Announcing she was in the home to die was a punch to the heart, the daughters helplessness in the situation is endearing and makes me sad, but the beautiful miracle - her mother reaching out to safe her, made me shiver. It is mystical and beautiful. Beginning and End: We start with her mother practically comatose, unable to even open her mouth, by the end she has reached out with impossible ability to save her daughter from a fatal fall onto 'humming' train tracks. What I liked most: The end, the whisper. Soft and gentle, accepting and thankful. Brilliant. Suggestions: One sentence I wasn't sure about: The stairway up to the elevated train station had an escalator also, but, as usual, it sported a torn sign announcing ‘out of order’. Why also, did you mention an elevator before? I can't see one. Conclusion: A brilliant short story filled with emotion. Thank you so much for writing this.    WRITE ON ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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You responded to this review 12/18/2012 @ 2:43pm EST