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Review #3825565
Viewing a review of:
Uninvited Open in new Window. [13+]
Writer's Cramp Contest Entry - 9/7/10 - Crashing a fancy birthday party
by Jeff Author Icon
Review of Uninvited  Open in new Window.
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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(Disclaimer: any opinions are strictly my own, to do with as you will. Keep what you find helpful, toss the rest with yesterday's paper)

The title on this piece is a solid choice. I am horrible with titles, so this is something I can appreciate. The diction is fitting. The plot is a cute one, and well narrated. Rhyme and flow are excellent.

Use of 'details' twice in the first stanza feels repetitive.

The line 'And then you the security guards found' seems to be lacking some punctuation. I don't want to offer a suggestion, because I'm not one hundred percent on what. This piece shys away from end-of-line punctuation, but is true to English standards within the lines themselves.

I love the amusing imagery of 'You as a bartender, me a waiter'

This is a great humorous bit of poetry, and I quite enjoyed it. Thankyou for sharing. Write On!


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