I selected your story to review through the Read a Newbie Forum of WdC. Welcome to Writing.com. I believe this to be one of the most supportive writing forums on the internet and I hope your experience here will spark constant creativity and joy in your work. This has truly been my experience.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your story and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
The images in “Fox on Rory” are wonderful. I enjoyed the specific references to the Jeep, the white cottage, bamboo, and Entertainment Magazine. They make the story present, real and lend some relevance to the tale. The interaction between Jackson and Joanie is charming and invokes a feeling that love is a continual, eternal blooming thing for them. Rory seems to be one of those quirky characters who post themselves at the periphery of our lives just to have odd things happen to them to their complete bewilderment. Her engagement with the fox is entertaining though somewhat perplexing.
 
Interest and Pace
The images and the interaction between Jackson and Joanie are the interest focal points for me. I like their relationship. It has that combination of cute “I’m so in love with you,” and frantic sexual tension that is fun to watch (and experience) in real life. The story moves along at a quick pace and there is plenty of human interaction to keep the story on track.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
I appreciate your attempts to keep the conversations and images interwoven by eliminating the “he said,” “she said”. The interaction is left to be dominate and keeps the flow quick and upbeat. Occassionaly however, and this may just be me, I find myself lost as to who is saying what. When that happens I then become unclear as to why the character is saying it. With a reread I am able to string it together, but then the story for me loses its import. For instance, ““What did you say?!” Because Joanie, Jackson and Rory are all engaged in the scene at this point it was difficult to easily read through this section. If this was a Rory line, a simple Rory said, would have been helpful.
Also, I’m still not exactly sure who said the line: “That’s where both Mr. Flower and our old neighbor Mr. Steer suffered their heart failures.”
“It’s a good chair for a man to stay off.” Is Rory saying both lines? Or is one Rory’s and the other someone else’s?
I was a bit confused as well by Arnold’s presence later in the story and the person Ray. I guessed Ray to be a part of the “Club”, but this is not clearly defined. And I wasn’t sure how Arnold was still a part of the scene.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
There was one typo that I noticed, Their hold their hands, holding forks in the air over the salad bowls. I believe you meant the “their” in this line to be “they”. The only other revision I would recommend is the clarifying of a couple of the character interactions, that I mentioned before.
 
Summary
 
I enjoyed reading the story of Rory’s encounter with the dog-like fox. Joanie and Jackson are charming and could evolve into shining stars if they were developed into a larger story. I like Rory and can’t help but wonder about her and the other wonderful Rorys in real life.
 
 
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your story. I appreciate you sharing your gifts and talents.
 
~Kenword~
 
 
 
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .