The Surprise [13+] Clarice's keys won't work on her front door. |
I selected your story to review through the Read a Newbie Forum of WdC. I would like to first of all welcome you to Writing.com where I believe you will find a great network of support for your writing career. I enjoyed reading your story and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review. My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest. Overall Impression Clarice is a nightmare. Until one has a relationship with a woman like her it is hard to imagine the hard heartedness of this species humanity. I read with chills as I remembered such a woman in my past. Scott becomes the victim of an unfaithful wife, but soon turns the tables. For the reader who has dealt with betrayal and unfaithfulness of a spouse “Surprise” is a “quarter turn of the key,” from the perfect read to bring a sense of self-satisfaction. Interest and Pace Clarice grabs me right away. I know her and the plans she has for the men in her life and so my interest is piqued immediately. The fact that she still loves her husband while having many affairs is a twist for the self-secure mind, because who in their right mind would do that to the perfect husband Scott, or any person for that matter? But the story quickly and efficiently explores the realm of unfaithfulness and retribution. Scott may be dim, but he is swift to bring a resolution to his immediate pain. Structure and Clarity The plot is well developed and the reader can enjoy the set up for Clarice’s fall as varied images are used to engage us with her pending crisis. The longest paragraph graphically describing her war with the front door lock is well done. The blend of no entry to the house and the disconnected phone of her husband work to build the tension as she finally makes a decision: “Well, half an hour was reasonable. She’d just wait till Scott arrived. He’d take care of this.” The writing that brings Clarice and her audience to the awareness that Scott knows everything is extremely well done and I am pulled into the dynamic revelation as well. Edits/Revisions I did not find any need for edits or revisions. In fact I enjoyed the design and the prose of your story very much. Summary Can the Clarice’s of the world hide their infidelities forever? And when they are discovered what retribution for their callous works of evil is appropriate? I applaud Scott’s choice. Keep cool. And say through a legal representative: “’You had the keys to my heart and house. But now I have changed the locks…’” Good for you Scott. Good bye Clarice. I obviously had my own issues color my response to your story, but I enjoyed it none-the-less and garnered more forgetfulness in my soul. I hardly remember her name now. Thank you! ~Kenword~ This review is given in honor of:
Come cast a vote for this years Mr./Miss Thankfulness! 101@101513 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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