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 Review #4033975 |
 Welcome to WDC Proffesor! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!  I found this piece on the Read A Newbie page and the title appealed to me as I have good memories of beach times!   The poem has the essence of romance and longing as you take us on a journey in your memory of loving relationship event on the beach. It is sad at the end as I see you sitting alone with your memory. I can relate to this. Places do hold places in our mind when important things happen.there. I like the idea of ocean as witness and partiicpant that keeps its secrets.  The poem is a free style and the vocabulary brings the theme to life and suits the emotional theme.A few glitches came to my notice for youto consider or not!  ~~ I am wondering about the phrasing as some of the english is bit confusing.  eg: "can tell the more", ~~ "my love am here" >>could it be " love is here" or my love, I am here". , ~~"i" needs to be captial letter. "I" ~~I think you can drop "that is what" in the line " that is what i can never let go." to smooth is out with the line before. We get the idea. ~~And the use of present tense in the beginning if you are talking about a memory. eg "when i sit"  Punctuation in poetry can be different. I think it is better to be consistent though. eg If you use a period, Begin the next line with a captial letter, etc. It helps the reader to follow a flow with better understanding and pause. I don't think you need a period after "Yesterday" as it seems to flow with the next line. I could really feel the atmosphere and feeling in the poem and its message is strong!  Thanks for sharing your heartfelt expression. Keep working on the english to strengthen the impact. Go for it!Light on the path as you write on! eyestar Join the WDC Birthday party and Party central! and try your hand at "WDC 14th Birthday Sr. Mod. Challenge"  ! It's fun! ** Image ID #1815342 Unavailable ** "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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