Hi BlueMoon ,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones"  [13+].

Overall Impression:

This is a cute little poem, dear author. What if, indeed, Dora did wake up and found out that everything was not as she thought it was?

Who knows what happens to a person when they are in a coma? Can we build up entire worlds in there? Create friendships? Have adventures? Is it like one long dream? This poem explores the idea that Dora is real, but everything else she thought was real isn't, and she doesn't like that idea very much.

On the technical side of things, this poem has a nice rhythm and flow. I also like your use of a larger font - my eyes appreciate it!

Suggestions:

I do have some suggestions, dear author. I hope that you will find them helpful!

First of all, I suggest deleting the line spaces in-between the lines. It will mean less scrolling, and also add to the clarity of the piece.

The Boots/moot end of lines 5 and 6 feels like a bit of a forced rhyme. That might be worth looking at.

You break the rhyming scheme partway through the poem, with bully/transaction/transition/existed. Then you go back into it. This is somewhat confusing. Are you using a specific form with a specific rhyming scheme? If so, I suggest adding a note below the poem.

I suggest completing the punctuation in this poem. For example, adding a period where a sentence ends. That will assist the overall clarity of the piece.

I also suggest allowing the capitalisation at the beginning of each line to depend upon the individual sentences within the piece. That would perfect the overall clarity and reading experience.

My Rating:

A sweet, creative poem. I enjoyed reading it.

I did have some suggestions. I think that there's a lot of potential here - it just needs a finishing touch. For now, I will give this item a rating of 3.5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work, and write on!

Kit




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .