\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4259548
Review #4259548
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  Open in new Window.
Review by Carol St.Ann Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  Open in new Window.
Rated: | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

*Bookstack* *Books3**Books4**Books5**Books6**Books1*
A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW
Sponsored by the New Novel Workshop
The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer.


Greetings Shaye:

I am reviewing "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. today as part of the First Annual "The Chapter One Competition." Open in new Window..
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!"

*Bookstack* What I Liked Best:
You know, I have to love a story that leaves me thinking about it. Right now, I have several different ideas and scenarios racing through my head. I'll be taking this experience with me through my afternoon. Thank you for that.

*Bookstack* Opener:
Detective Avery is dead. Except that she isn't. Catchy and captivating opener.

*Bookstack* Plot:
Detective Avery's head has been discovered, severed from her body. Well it looks like her. It's wearing her identical perfume and makeup, and the DNA test proves it's her. But she happens to be the detective handling the case. It this a clone? Are the records being falsified? Is she dreaming? Having a break-down and imagining the whole thing? A person has to know.

*Bookstack* Character Development:
You tell this tale in first person narrative and maintain the POV with no slips whatsoever. Bravo that! I noted no clumsiness, wordiness, or over-explaining. You allow Reader to make her own assumptions, and are confident enough with your story to allow free rein on the imagination of the reader. Your writing is crisp, clear, and to the point. Even the characters, though they appear abruptly, are given just enough personality to reveal who they are in Avery's life, er, death, er, life.

*Bookstack* Dialog:
Very well done. No confusion whatsoever. One thing I noted is the natural flow of the dialog. There is no forced insertion of a character's name where it would not necessarily be (to remind the reader who is talking). You keep the conversation tight enough that there is no need for that kind of author intrusion. Very well done.

*Bookstack* Spelling Punctuation Grammar:
I noted no issues at all.

*Bookstack* Continuity:
There is one issue I had here - and it's small - In the opener, I'm thinking Eli, the other man in the room with her, is her partner. You do make it clear he is not her husband. But I don't believe my presumption is confirmed in this chapter. That's a teensy loose-end for me. Not complaining, though, because I'm figuring maybe you want it that way, given the crafting I see here.

*Bookstack* Clarity:
Everything is as clear as you want it to be. Of that, I am sure.

*Bookstack* Hook:
She's investigating her own murder. I'd say that's an icepick-sized hook.

*Bookstack* Structure:
Your structure is sound and strong - on a very solid foundation.


Just very very well done.
I am intrigued and will be tuning in for more of this story.


CLOSING STATEMENT
Thank you for joining in the Competition. It has been a true pleasure reading your chapter.


This review has been prepared for you
by a proud member of

** Image ID #1953557 Unavailable **

*Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/18/2016 @ 1:23pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4259548