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Review #4287807
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Review by Jay O'Toole
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Jim, thank you for the privilege of reviewing your essay as one of our monthly Rising Stars Member-to-Member Reviews. We both know that the words I am about to write are my own thoughts and my own perspectives about this article. I hope my words are helpful and encouraging to you as you continue as an excellent writer. I pray my words do not ever seem to be critical in any way nor too pointed, but please realize I am reviewing your words as though it is an article, that I have written myself.

*Earth*Overall Impression: Excellent rendering of the overview and purpose of the life of Mark Twain. He did, indeed, have a singular wit. He could point out the unfair in life with rapier insights. In the 1800s whites in America were taking advantage of their race and station in Society by not helping others, who were "different." I believe that Charles Darwin's book, "On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life," has a greater responsibility in creating the inequities of which Mark Twain spoke than most readers of his day (or ours) could possibly imagine or would be willing to admit.

*Pencil*Suggestions: You have some great insights, here, Jim. I think the world would benefit from the expression of your writing ability as it goes deeper into the life of Mark Twain. Maybe you could write another essay or two, exploring the following question, "What specific successes did he know with regard to his speaking tour and written works?" especially as they relate to the inequities, which he tried to correct. I'm sure we could all find some information like this using Google, but I believe your unique skills could ferret out some excellent perspectives.

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: The following things popped out to me as though I was the writer, since I often review my own work five or six times before posting, looking for just such items. I trust these will be helpful and encouraging to you.

"There is no doubt that the storm came up unexpected..." I think the last word describes the verb, "came," making it the adverb, "unexpectedly."

"While the passengers and crew were riding the barge..." As we both know the passengers and crew were, indeed, "riding" the barge, but I think the concept is "ridding" the barge (or "getting rid of...")

"...he was criticized for doing so." I think I get the concept here, that writers today are criticized for "cookie-cutter characters," but back when Mark Twain wrote he was criticized for not having "cookie-cutter characters." Therefore, would the sentence of comparison be better served with the addition of the word, "not"? This would make it "...he was criticized for not doing so."

"...notoriety..." I used this word to describe my writing instructor in a correspondence school once, thanking her for the privilege of learning with her, due to her great "notoriety." She sent me back a response. "O, I hope I'm not 'notorious.' I would like to be notable, though." That was how I learned, that the word, "notoriety" has a more negative connotation. I would suppose, that depending on one's world view, Mark Twain does have the potential for seeming a bit "notorious."

On a personal note, I have been processing the concerns over the inequities of wealth in the world, which have been pretty consistent throughout history. It seems to me, that the inequity has always existed, whether in a monarchy or in a capitalistic society or in a communistic society. (After all, The Party has way more access to money than does the common man.) I have come to the conclusion, that wealth is not the issue in Society at large, any more than physical strength is the issue in public schools. Strong children tend to bully weaker children, if that is their personality, just like wealthy individuals tend to "lord it over" poor people, if that is their personality. As I have been teaching my own daughter, "Strong children have the responsibility to use their strength to defend weaker children." If we apply this, then the meaning is that "Wealthy people have the responsibility to use their wealth to strengthen, to support and to benefit the poorer elements of Society." However, that is in a "perfect world," which you and I have never yet known. How can we change the problems of wealth and strength in Society? We can change things one person at a time. This leads us back to Mark Twain using his influence for good. He was "only one person, but he was one person."

"His legacy to America was that of America's finest storytellers and humorist." Jim, I think this sentence would be helped by just a little minor tweaking. "His legacy to America was that of being one of America's finest storytellers and humorists." I have added only, "being one of" and the "s" at the end of "humorist."

*Heart*What I Like: Thanks for mentioning Hal Holbrook and his masterful characterization of Mark Twain. There are some actors, who are so good at what they do, that the audience can actually believe the actor IS the historical figure he or she is portraying. Other good examples of this are Claire Danes as Dr. Temple Grandin and a local (to my hometown) young actress, who portrayed Helen Keller so flawlessly, that some of the audience was dumbfounded, when they realized during the bows, that she could actually see and hear.

The process of reviewing does me great good in learning and for the improvement of my own writing. Thank you for the good lesson, today. Thank you for the privilege of giving this review. Thank you for taking the time to read my review.

WRITE ON!!!!

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