Hello, Azrael Tseng

I'm offering you this review in celebration of Earth Day, which is marked on the 22^nd April every year, and on behalf of "The Earth Day Challenge" 

Thank you for being aware of our planet and the environment.

What I liked

What a great premise to start with in your modern sonnet story poem. I love the poignant sarcasm of your final line with the pun on future builders, your idea of a perfect future being at cross purposes with the vision of a powerful corporation. There are some wonderful images, like earth churned like porridge. The structure is very interesting - a sonnet with an extra quatrain. This was very well envisioned and written. It deserves to do well in this contest, imho.

What might need work

The contest rules state that a word count is required in the body of the static item. Though it seems an odd request, I supplied both a line count and a word count with my entry.

I didn't understand the line "Are machines in colors of the forest".

You use an ABAB rhyming scheme most of the time, then twice you use merely assonance. I recommend that you use rhymezone or equivalent to adjust the two rhymes that are weak, ie. space/praise and porridge/forest.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .