Hello, Rhyssa!

I'm offering you this review in celebration of Earth Day, which is marked on the 22^nd April every year, and on behalf of "The Earth Day Challenge" 

Thank you for being aware of our planet and the environment.

What I liked

i like that u is riting about the Earth an encourigin others to fink more about our planet an all the awesome fings what are in it an that.

i specially like how u is makin ur body like the fings what u r talkin about from nature — hair as river/nothing but water/I am the rain etc.

ur poem as proper cool flow, like the "water cycle" what u is usin in the body of ur poem 4 a central feme fingy, whatever feme means.

i wish i cud rite proper gud like what u can.

What might need work

rite. well, u as this feme fing what starts wiv rain wiv salt in it cos that rain is come from the sea first, yeah? But then u talks about evaporatin an goin up to the clouds. Why not just keep wiv the water cycle an fink about flowin into the stream, then into the river, then into the sea, like what the cycle does in school books, if u evah waisted time in school or college an that. i mean, u as this proper gud summary in the last ?stanza r they called? u says:

I am the rain
and the cloud
and the dew
and the sea
and the woman with bare feet

but fink ow instead u cud have ritten like:

I am the stream
and the river
and the sea
and the cloud
and the rain
and the woman with bare feet

C? is the "water cycle" fingy, yeah?

oh, an, this bit:

a hint of salt it caught on my skin
on its way down my throat.

i fink what u meant to say woz "…caught on my skin / on its way TO my throat." cos, if u fink about it, water can't get salt from ur skin when it's on its way down ur throat, can it? it can only get salt b4 ur throat. an, besides, u can't taste it once it's in ur throat cos it's past ur taste bud fingys, yeah?

on another note, it wud b nice if u cud enter this into "The Earth Day Challenge" , though u wud ave to edit it so it woz less lines cos u av 38 an the limit there is 20. but, u cud join ur lines easy nuff, i fink. wud b nice if u did, i fink.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .