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 Review #4319708 |
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| (4.5)| Hi Lisa Noe It's just me, Ken  . I'm pleased to read and comment on your work "Invalid Item" on behalf of "Earth Day Challengers" . First Impression/Thoughts: Part religious, part philosophy, and - unfortunately - all to true.   Creativity/Impact:This is focused on man's destruction of the gift that God gave us. I think it's an important and creative way to put our actions into a larger context.  Message/Theme: Uhhh, Earth Day?  Seriously, you've captured the many of the self induced issues that we face. It reminds me of the great philosopher, Pogo , who said, "We have met the enemy and they is us!" Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet. Title: I thought this captured your message and would interest readers. The "teaser" line (or description  ) offers an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. Not very creative but informative. Grammar/Wording: I saw nothing in error. I did note that in a few places you selected words that seemed chosen to support the image creation rather than the flow of the poem but they were rare and not at all distracting. Form/Flow: Free verse is a challenging form that utilizes the natural cadences of common speech to create rhythm in lieu of the strict usage of meter found in classic forms. Free verse is the breaking of some old rules and the utilization of new tools, not the elimination of any and all rules. I noted your use of subtle rhyme, versification, and a coherent theme. I saw the poetry in this. Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:  An enjoyable and thought provoking read even if the subject was our own modern version of turning our backs on God. Your contention that this is what the future holds comes through clearly and I hope that you're wrong - but it's not in my hands except to the extent that we all bear responsibility and we can do something more than lament. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2017, Ken
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You responded to this review 04/25/2017 @ 3:15pm EDT