\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4319777
Review #4319777
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor
In affiliation with Earth Day Challengers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, Paul D!

I'm offering you this review in celebration of Earth Day, which is marked on the 22nd April every year, and on behalf of "The Earth Day ChallengeOpen in new Window.

Thank you for being aware of our planet and the environment.

What I liked

I love the idea of the poem, and it's strong structure, how each part of the poem performs a function in the symbolism of the transition from winter to spring. I think that the spring section is particularly well written because there's a clear chronological sequence of events from thaw through buds blooming to laughing children.

What might need work

Your second line should be two syllables, according to the structure you state, but "stripped" is only one syllable:
https://www.howmanysyllables.com/words/stripped

"buds pop their heads for a look" - consider: buds pop heads out for a look. It keeps the same syllable count, so it agrees to your structure, yet sounds smoother, imho.

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob *BigSmile*

April 22nd is Earth Day!


*LeafG*Review given on behalf of "The Earth Day ChallengeOpen in new Window.*LeafG*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/26/2017 @ 7:39am EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4319777