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Review #4370518
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Past Member 'blimprider'
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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WELCOME (BACK) TO WRITING.COM!


         Good morning, Frankie, and welcome to the circus. I'll be your reviewer today, so a few words about myself might be in order. My real name is Jack Tyler, and if I'm known for anything, it would have to be my series of steampunk adventures in the skies of colonial Africa. I've never gotten a whiff of a best-seller list, and when the big-time critics get together for cocktails, not one of them wonders why I'm not there. I'm a guy with an opinion, and like all opinions, yours is the only one that matters. With that out of the way, let's get started.

WARNING TO 3RD-PARTY READERS: SPOILERS AHEAD!

FIRST IMPRESSION: I don't, as a rule, review flash fiction; it doesn't give me much of a picture of the writer to work on. That's a flaw in my own character that I need to work on, and this delightful little piece is an excellent place to start. The first thing I noticed is that all the Mechanics are tight, that is, there are no typos, grammar gaffes, or misspellings that I can see. That's always a plus, but in a piece this short it should reasonably be expected.

HOW IT MADE ME FEEL: We all have our addictions, and as long as they aren't to gambling, alcohol, or crack cocaine, we find ways to excuse ourselves. Personally, I wouldn't eat a fruitcake with your mouth, but I've worn out about six Xboxes, so there you are. All I felt reading this was the joy of good comedy. Using hyperbole to produce sarcasm is a respected technique, and tricky to master. You've done a fine piece of work on that here. I enjoyed it very much, and I commend you on your style.

STORY ELEMENTS: I'm looking primarily here at how you develop characters and utilize your settings, but in a story this short, there's none of that to look at, which leaves me at a loss. Your viewpoint character was believable at the meeting, then drifted into hyperbole, losing her job over her fruitcake addiction, and ultimately murdering over it. That is not a criticism; hyperbole is a technique used to make a point, and you've used it well here. If the narrator was a heroin addict, no one would question the idea that she had committed murder to get a fix. No one expects anyone to believe in elves or talking rabbits, and suspension of disbelief can be afforded to this story just as readily. An excellent job overall.

THE BOTTOM LINE: This is an excellent piece of flash fiction that hits all its marks perfectly, and does all that it set out to do. Through no fault of your own, I am grading it at 4-stars. It is perfect for what it is, but to award 5-stars, I feel like I need to see interaction between characters, descriptions of settings, and the other traditional trappings of full-size works. I want to emphasize that there is nothing wrong with this story, there just isn't enough to earn all the points. You have a wonderful voice, and I hope you stay around and develop it; it deserves to be heard!

Read well, and write better,
*Hotair2* Jack "Blimprider" Tyler *Hotair2*

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