Hi Angus ! Thank you for bringing my attention to this piece! This is a review as part of your Lucky Bag from "The Great WDC Lucky Bag Giftaway!-CLOSED" ! Enjoy!

Oh my gosh, Angus! No! What a kicker at the end! I predicted it was coming, but you still managed to shock me. Perfect delivery - very well done I did want a little bit more about how the prey became entangled in the web though. But maybe that's better left up to the reader's imagination.

I only had a couple suggestions for you. Your grammar and punctuation are all flawless, but perhaps the following ideas might make your story even stronger:

When the spider first comes to recognize that one of her prey is struggling more than the rest, perhaps you could add a couple more clues: Did the web sag more than normal under the weight of the prey? Did the prey make a sound or smell different than her other prey?

Also, I think this sentence: "she began using her jaws in order to further masticate her meal." could be improved slightly by making it less wordy: "she used her powerful jaws to further masticate her meal."

Thank you for sharing your story! Keep writing!

Take care,
Emily

You responded to this review 09/07/2018 @ 11:44am EDT

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