Paragraph starting with: The previous sunrise... Sentence: As the pieces of moon bombarded the planet the planet would burn. The scientists created a net of light, placed it between the moon and the planet, Notice how many times the word 'planet' is written. There's also the double wording of 'bacteria'. Once it's been established, there's no need to mention it again because the reader will remember it. There are more in other areas like this, so as a suggestion, maybe try and read it out loud to catch them.

There were many places where there were commas missing or too many were used when it should be a period.

I think the beginning could be a little stronger to draw the reader in more. For me, I think the second paragraph has more impact in letting us know how she feels right off the bat, and it puts us in her shoes quicker.

Add variety to the starting of the sentences in paragraphs 2 - 7 because they all start with 'She'.