*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4477177
Review #4477177
Viewing a review of:
I Write In 2019 and 2024 to....   [13+]
Lots of creative pursuits in 2019 and more in 2024 and beyond.
by 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson
         Review for entry/chapter: "Thoughts Tumble" 
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
}Hi 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson , this review is for the I Write in 2019 challenge. Congratulations on completing another week!

General Impressions
I love the word usage in this, the imagery created is excellent! I love how you've given concrete details to thoughts - it really solidified them in my mind like real things, and thus making me really feel the anguish of having thoughts be so jumbled.

Favorite Part
"Thoughts tumble"
Great use of language, simple, direct, but so vivid.

Suggestions for improvement
Unfortunately, my syllable counter tells me this only has 21 syllables instead of the required 24 so I fear disqualification if that's not fixed. Here's a handy tool I use for syllables: https://syllablecounter.net/count

The good news is you have some room to play with this some more! I can't wait to see how you add to and improve this.

Also, using freely in here, although it gives you a double syllable count, really should be just "free" IMHO. The adverb really weakens the language there. Making that change gives you 4 more syllables to work with!

Rating Explanation
I've given this a 4.0 for excellent use of language. If you'd like me to review again, I'm happy to do so after you've edited.

Write on, friend! Remember: As long as you're writing, you're succeeding!
Need a review? Submit a bitem link to "Invalid Item" 

Need something to review? Access my portfolio showcase here. Items are ordered newest to oldest in each category:

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2177494 by Not Available.


New Sig for Rising Stars  Charity Marie Personal Signature



** Image ID #2177703 Unavailable **
Join us on Discord for real-time chats!: https://discordapp.com/invite/Wa8sgg8


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You last responded to this review 03/30/2019 @ 1:05pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4477177