Marcus and Milly. Chapter three [13+] Their relationship hits a bumpy ride |
Introduction~ Cadie here reviewing for Building Emotion and Sensuality Lesson 3. NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. I'm not a professional editor. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt. Personal Impressions~ Milly and Marcus have moved forward in their relationship. The story is easy to read and flows with the request of the assignment. Point of view~ You stayed within the point of view of Marcus. I think there could have been more emotion displayed between the characters. Does Marcus' heartbreak as they silently decide to split up for a time? Does he cry without her? Does he see her everywhere he goes and desires to find out what's going on? He goes to her apartment after 4 days giving her the time she needs. That's good. Plot, Conflict and Structure~ In the story Milly tells her family about Marcus being in prison. While I would not want to keep secrets from my family, I wonder what was her motivation in telling them? Was she afraid of them finding out somehow? There are some secrets that are just better kept buried. this was a good twist in your story. If you decide to rewrite, I think they need to discuss this before they go on the weekend or figure out what Milly's reasoning is behind telling her family. Then they just come together after 4 days and have sex without discussing what has happened. It's realistic but because this is a piece of a whole, it doesn't make sense. It's like it never happened. Conclusions~ You are doing well with these stories and with your characters. I like how they've developed into people of their own. You followed the assignment well and stayed within the word count. Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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