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Review #4546372
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here reviewing for Building Emotion Lesson 3

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          I enjoyed the story and I didn't enjoy it. The piece was nice to read although I had to read Lesson 2 in order to figure out what was going on. That's fine. You stayed within Diana's point of view and within the word count of the assignment.

Plot, Conflict and Structure~
*NoteP*          In continuing with the previous story, Diana is sitting or lying in bed trying to regain her composure from her "wrestle" with Andrew. William comes to pick her up for the date they were supposed to have and learns of her condition and her hatred for men in general. Diana is hoping that William is different from other men but seems to jump to the conclusion that he's not.

Characterization and Dialogue~
*NoteP*          The story moved into the next scene with the break up easily enough. I realize that Diana is working from a deep state of fear of men and what they can do. With all the time she's spent with William why has she not changed a bit. I realize that in her fear, she becomes a total rationless person. She ultimately thinks the worst in men with her past she has the right to. I also want to ask where is Andrew? Did he stay out of the room when William came in? Why did he and William not come running when Diana screamed in pain. That part was definitely cruel on their part or maybe it just was not thought through. Logically, if you care about someone even as a sibling you're going to hear their blood-curdling scream, as I'm sure Diana's was and then come running. Being separated for months from each other. She thinks it's because of her condition and because William won't call her. he’s a wuss. As it was so colorfully put, but she's just as big of a wuss not to fight for what she wants. She's willing to let him go just because she's afraid to love completely.

Conclusions~
*NoteP*          I'm sorry for this review. It sort of became a rant about your female lead. You've written her well for me to REALLY not like her. I realize she's been through a lot in her life. These two don't seem to love each other very much if they aren't willing to work things out within a couple of weeks after fighting. Good job on the story, you wrote this one well.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!


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