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Review #4548753
Viewing a review of:
 Taking the Leap Open in new Window. [18+]
The milestone my characters face is deciding to move from just friends to more...
by 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 Author Icon
Review of Taking the Leap  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here reviewing Lesson 5 for Building Emotion and Sensuality.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          I enjoyed reading your story. The characters have come a long way since that first story.

Showing vs. Telling~
*NoteP*          You've done well in showing what Arlynn is feeling and the descriptions of the physical emotions are getting better. I like that you've brought back their first meeting with a bit more passion than they probably had then. *Wink*

Technical Aspects~
*NoteP*          What is Arlynn focusing on? She seems to be talking herself out of her relationship with Ryan and I can't understand what's going through her head. she seems to be fighting the memories of her time with Ryan. I think this first point of view with Arlynn needs a bit more detail explaining what is going on. In the beginning, Arlynn was an actress, I thought, now she's a children's book author.
Was that really only a little over a month and a half ago? I understand that with these assignments the time frame with the relationship may change. These assignments don't always stay in line with chronologically, a warning would have been prudent. I thought these two had already been together for a year as of Lesson 4. Is this chronologically earlier in the relationship because of the doubts?

Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You've done well writing this piece. I like the interaction between the characters and that Ryan finds her on the road. I can't wait to see how this ends. *Think*

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!



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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/11/2020 @ 11:27pm EDT
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