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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4548773
Review #4548773
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by A Guest Visitor
         Review for entry/chapter: "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
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Rated: GC | N/A (Review only item.)
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Introduction~
*NoteP*          Cadie here giving your final review for Building Emotion and Sensuality.

*AsteriskV*NOTE: This review is only the opinion of one author. This review is meant to help and NOT hurt.

Personal Impressions~
*NoteP*          I enjoyed reading your story. It has been a joy to see these two characters change over the course of these six weeks. Your ability to add emotion to your stories has improved also. Good job.

Plot~
*NoteP*          Mac and Elize have moved in together and are adjusting to their surroundings. Mac is enjoying the morning love making with Elize.

Characterization and Dialogue~
*NoteP*          Your characters work together well. The story moved along with the dialogue and descriptions. There is one place where I would recommend a rewrite, just because it's a little hard to understand or read.
He moved in like a lion looking to pounce on its kill. He had a thing for the sleepy, barely awake lovemaking; they made how Elize's body complied with his requests and opened up like a flower awaiting pollination. He nibbled into the nap of her neck. The gooseflesh rose on her arms and skin since he knew this was one of her most sensitive spots.
You might try this: He moved in like a lion looking to pounce on its kill. He had a thing for the sleepy, barely awake lovemaking; Elize's body always complied with his requests opening up like a flower awaiting pollination. Nibbling the nape of her neck, he felt the gooseflesh rise on her arms knowing this was one of her most sensitive spots.

Conclusions~
*NoteP*          You've written an interesting ride with these characters. Thank you for taking the time to complete this class. You've done well.

*NoteP* Thank you for sharing and Keep Writing!



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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/14/2020 @ 4:25pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4548773