Deborah’s DIY Date [18+] Is there romance after divorce? Deborah investigates. 2nd place in Journey Through Genres. |
"The Open Scroll [Entrance Task]" has me reviewing your item today! Well, actually, I am doing "Entrance Task #2..." from "The Open Scroll [Entrance Task]" . It has me writing five reviews. They each have to be 1000 characters long (excluding WritingML) and I must also include a link to "Ultimate Trinket Adventure [Mainland]" within the review: "Ultimate Trinket Adventure [Mainland]" I am hoping I can find write 1000 characters about your story. I found it on The Hub under the Review Requested section. You can thank "Ultimate Trinket Adventure [Mainland]" because I do not usually read and review short stories... So, now to go read "Deborah's DIY Date"... "Deborah’s DIY Date" 18+: Is there romance after divorce? Deborah investigates. 2nd place in Journey Through Genres. Title and Brief Description: I am usually critical of titles and descriptions but, in your case, both work for me. I do believe your current title, "Deborah's DIY Date" and the accompanying description: "Is there romance after divorce? Deborah investigates. British spellings!" work well. I think they would both peak someone's interest. That is the whole job of a title and brief description is to lure in readers so these do their job well. TYPO ALERT: The houses themselves appeared pleasant enough. Not as large as the mansions she was used to in The Hamptons but homely.. I suspect you meant homey. I like the expression: "She barked a laugh" This sentence caused me to go "hmmm?": She must learn how to talk to ordinary people if she hoped to marry one. I am writing as I read and nothing so far has given me insight into this statement so it works to pull me further in to your story. Yikes!!! The door wasn’t quite vertical and was apparently only hanging from one hinge at the top. She eyed the doorbell cautiously. The panel was loose, and loops of wire stuck out. I laughed out loud when I read the next sentence as your MC pushed the door bell. I prefer dialog to description but found myself enjoying your description of the sitting room. My mother's best friend's family had a formal sitting room. We never were in it, we just could peek in and we walked past into the more informal parts of their home. I stopped by to visit as an adult a few years back and still only peeked in the doorway of that room. I wonder who was escorted into it over the years. The furniture in that sitting room was elegant but mostly unused—not like the "threadbare sofa and armchair" At this point, I am starting to get nervous. Where is this story heading now? I am not expecting a happy ending... Cats with battle wounds and missing limbs does nothing to relieve my concern... I am scared as I read: “Do it yourself is my hobby. I love making things myself.” He held out his hand. “Come see.” If this was a movie, I would expect to hear creepy music and want to warn your MC: "Don't go!!!" As I read the next paragraph and I am reminded of the front door and the faulty doorbell, I am thinking this fella is not much of a DIY guy. But the bookshelves are solid. Hmmmm??? Not so good the second time: Deborah barked a laugh I suggest using a different word the second time. Oh my goodness! I won't reveal the big reveal in this review but I will encourage folks to take a gander for themselves. However, I need more. The story ends a bit too abruptly for me. What will happen next? You left me hanging. gulp! I hope you enjoy this reviews as much as I have enjoyed your story! It actually makes me want to check out more of your writing. That is a good thing, eh? My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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