Nicely written! The dialogue is a strong way to present a story and it is very effective in the first half. The motivations of the two characters talking to one another were very clear. We had one character about to do something dangerous and the other trying to talk the first character out of it. It was an exciting hook.

I had difficulty understanding what was happening in the second half of this... when the quotations around the dialogue began disappearing beginning with: ...so why bother? Was the lack of quotes meant to mean that the line was communicated through the character's mind.

It seemed like a god intervened.

The computer lines were also confusing as well and I couldn't quite get what they meant. My best guess is that the characters were inside a simulation set on repeat doomed to repeat the events.

I don't know if this is a completed story yet but if it is still being developed I recommend trying to clarify what is happening in the second half of the story if you are not already in the process of updating it. It would make the story a lot stronger. I give this story 5 stars based on the strong opening but it seems like it still may need some work.

Best of luck with your writing!

This was reviewed as part of "Ultimate Trinket Adventure [Mainland]" 

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .