Your story has believable characters, events, and character actions, and has a believable plot. It is a nice read with conflict enough to keep me interested in finishing your story.

1. Your opening sentence could show how Sue's emotions such as how she felt, her body language, and what she thought. Sue sat on a porch viewing the splendor of the countryside while her head was buzzing with [whatever thoughts apply] and her hand rested on her or rubbed her belly. I would wonder what was going on and want to read more. It shows a scene rather than telling about what is happening.

2. I would keep the mystery reveal for later in the story because this will keep the reader reading and wondering what is hidden.

3. There is little emotion shown from the father and his responses conceal a mystery but there is no evidence of when this would be revealed which is disappointing. I hope you will add this information and add to your story.

Thank you for writing and for sharing your word art with me and WDC members.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .