Hello, I'm StephBee and I am reviewing your story for

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

Thanks for entering.

My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

THE STORY

Karen is taking a student, Jill, to be "ascended."

WHAT I LIKED

I liked the premise of the story. There's a nice light sci-fi touch. The quotation inspiration was weaved into the story in such a way to support the ascension.

POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited by Karen. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Good use of dialogue tags.

DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I might suggest using the five senses. What did the summer camp smell like, for example?

SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: rural setting.

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

CHARACTERS

Karen and Jill

There's enough here to understand Karen's motivations, but Jill is a very important character as well, and I'm curious as to her motivations.

MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and the ending leaves the story on an intriguing note. My big suggestion is maybe to clarify Jill's motivations a bit. I enjoyed reading the story. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest.