Hello Stoneheart,

This starts off well and we see some action and start to get a fell for this first and second character. It raises its own story questions.

Why do they always smell just of cabbage?,’ he thought absently.

To indicate thoughts we normally use italics. {I}Why do they always smell of cabbage?{/I}. No need for quotes.

* Which looks like this
Why do they always smell of cabbage?

I did see where it needed some commas. Mostly it was at the beginning of sebtwnces. Read the sentence out loud and notice where you pause and that's where you put a comma.

Other than that I didn't notice any errors.

It looks like you labeled it in the correct genres.

For some reason, I think I may have read this story beginning before, yet I didn't review it for some reason.

This doesn't allow me that not rate it. So I have it 4 5. I can relate it later if you like.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .