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Review #4734108
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The Darkest Storm Open in new Window. [ASR]
What does an ancient vampire do on his birthday?
by Mouse says gobble gobble Author Icon
Review of The Darkest Storm  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

That was unexpected! You did a good job hiding where this story was going to go. Marcus wouldn’t live through the night and had decided to take everyone else with him, but at first, it read like it was just another night. He was even reluctant to go out hunting at all, or so he claimed, which made the twist all the more unexpected.

I got the feeling that you knew these characters quite well. There were some small details that seemed to indicate they might be part of a bigger story. If they’re not, they should be. If you wanted, you could easily turn this into a longer tale, perhaps even a novel if you gave them enough backstory and character development. Sure, there are many vampire stories out there, but this one was different and quite original.


*PenG* Suggestions:

The story was very polished and I only noticed one error and have one tiny suggestions:

no voice was better than speaking
I wasn’t sure what you meant here. Did Louie decide that it was best to stay quiet and not get involved in the argument, or could he not speak? This was one of the lines that made me think you knew more about the characters’ backstory than you told the readers, and I would suggest making this a little clearer.

Jessica fell to her knees blood welling and spilling out of her mouth.
You need a comma after “knees”.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I think you have a really intriguing tale here and my only complaint would be that it is too short, perhaps even a little rushed in places. I found the characters quite interesting and I believe they would benefit from a bit of backstory. Flesh them out a little and give the readers a reason to empathise with them or hate them, and you’ll have a fuller, more rounded tale. That’s not to say that I didn’t like the story as it was, on the contrary - I would be interested in reading more.




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