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Review #4735147
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Ocean Fling Open in new Window. [E]
The mysterious disappearance of a sailboat from its mooring inspires a playful poem.
by MJones Author Icon
Review of Ocean Fling  Open in new Window.
Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi MJones Author Icon

Thank you for entering your poem into "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" Open in new Window.. I am Choconut, one of the contest judges for the February round.

I am reviewing your poem, "Ocean Fling" Open in new Window., in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: Before I even started to read this poem, I was drawn to the beautiful illustration. That's a great visual that will, I'm sure, make others stop to read whenever they see it. As I read, I was struck by the warm, loving tone the narrator uses. I loved the playfulness. Honestly, I don't think I've ever read a poem about a boat before. It wouldn't be something I normally choose. But this poem is so good. I absolutely adore it.

Voice/Tone: As mentioned above, I love the warm, sensual, playfulness of the narrator. I also really like the way you have personified this boat. It could so easily be written for a lover. I can hear the smile and the love as I read these words: "For I am your Captain, my adventurous girl."

Mechanics: A series of rhyming couplets. And they are spot on. All your rhymes work. They are creative and clever. Your rhyme of "girl" with "unfurl" particularly made me smile.

Rhythm: There is a great rhythm, and the pace is just right. If I'm super picky, then I would say the last line isn't quite as smooth as the rest. I like the content; I would just try to jiggle it around a little. (But that really is picky.)

My Favourite Part: This line: "whose face was illumined by the starlit sky?" Not only is this beautifully worded; it is also humorous when taken with the previous line. The thing I love the most, though, is just the warmth and the loving tone. It makes the poem so pleasurable to read. It feels like a warm blanket wrapping me up tight. The narrator speaks directly to the boat, and this really appealed to me, as well. It makes it feel intimate.

Thanks for entering your poem into the contest. I have enjoyed reading your work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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