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 Review #4736040 |
 | For a Soldier, For a Friend  [E] To the men and women in service.  |
| (4.0)| Hi Starr  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  I am writing this review of your poem, "For a Soldier, For a Friend" , in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . It comes with a bunch of warm anniversary wishes. What I liked: The sentiment. This is a wonderful tribute to someone who has chosen to risk their lives so others may live. I like how you point out the danger he puts himself in for us and for others who may be many miles away. Your love and appreciation for your friend shines through. It's a joy to read. These lines remind us how tough his day-to-day life in the armed forces must be like, and also the reasons why he chose to do it: "He saw a lot of horror / to fight for these ideals." You then continue to explain some of those ideals. That we are all born equal and have the right to freedom. I think this is possibly even more relatable today. Freedom seems to fast be disappearing, and we are most definitely not all born equal. At least, not in social background. Even though we should all have freedom as a birthright. Even though no one has the right to claim themselves better than anyone else. I absolutely love your last line: "For a Soldier, For a friend." That reminds us of your close connection to this man. It makes him more real in a way. The line where you say you pray he won't die is poignant. Again, you make your readers think about what he does and how it affects his family and friends. Suggestions: I like the abcb rhyme scheme that runs throughout the poem. However, in your third stanza, you have rhymed "win" with "friends." I've tried to make it fit, but I can't. It stands out a bit. My other suggestion is to watch your meter. I know there is no set meter, but to make it flow smoothly, it's good to use a fairly even meter. So, lines like, " The words "thank you" just don't seem enough" are a little bumpy. In this case, you could fix it by taking out the word "just", which is a filler word, anyway. It wouldn't change the meaning at all, but it would make it smoother. Similarly, "Homeward will he be bound." This doesn't flow naturally when you say it out loud. "Homeward," I think, is the reason. The stresses aren't right. Parting Comments: Thanks for sharing your poem. It is a great tribute to your soldier friend. I note you wrote this a while ago, so I hope your friend remains safe. Happy WDC anniversary! Choconut    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 03/10/2024 @ 11:18am EDT