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Review #4736346
Viewing a review of:
 "One-Track" Mind Open in new Window. [E]
Sometimes a day at the races is more than just a day at the races...
by PENsive is Meemaw x 3! Author Icon
Review of "One-Track" Mind  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

That was a beautiful story. You showed the bond between father and son very well, and it was nice to read a tale about a happy relationship. I can see that you have similar stories in your portfolio - at least I assume they are as they mention your son’s name and are in the family genre. You clearly have a talent for writing personal tales, if this one is anything to go by, and it’s good that you are open to share your experiences in this way because it was a joy to read.

From the title and the brief description, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I assumed it would be a humorous tale where something goes wrong, but it was quite a serious albeit happy story where a simple day out led to a life-long interest. For a moment, I was worried that this interest might take a sinister turn and become an addiction, but fortunately it wasn’t that kind of story.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I only noticed a couple of small errors:

things were very still very different
There’s a duplicate word; the fist “very” shouldn’t be there.

I'm glad I could it for you
I think that was meant to say, I’m glad I could do it for you


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I thought the little details worked very well, for example where your son, only five years old at the time, was concerned because you couldn’t join him and his dad on this outing, and his closeness to you when he said goodbye. I liked the repetition of that statement, "I'm glad I could do it for you." at the end, only this time, it is your son saying it to his dad where earlier, it was the other way around. It provides a nice ending to the tale and it shows, again, how close they are. Overall, I thought this was a very nice story.




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