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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4736621
Review #4736621
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Angel in Wonderland Open in new Window. [E]
A little girl and a sleepy pug dog on a grand adventure… plus other fun stuff!
by Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏 Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Identity Crisis - Who Are You?" Open in new Window.
Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏 Author Icon

I am reviewing your story, "Identity Crisis - Who Are You?" Open in new Window., for Week 11 of "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.. My review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

Please remember these are only my own opinions, and any advice given is done so with the sole intention of being helpful.

Oh my. This is very enjoyable. I think I had a smile on my face from the very beginning until the cute-filled ending. I could relate so much to Angie. I know I would be lured away just as surely by the aroma of the sweet Heaven of Candy Land. And I'm not even going to be ashamed to say it. Honestly, I'm a bit hungry after reading this. The fudge brownie plants need to be invented! *Laugh*

The moment I read your opening paragraph, these words grabbed my attention: "The cobbled path had spongy green moss growing on it, and tiny pink wildflowers were sprouting through the cracks." Instantly, you put your readers in a magical land. And, boy, what magic! I laughed when Fluffy got lured away by the scent of peanut butter puppy treats. My old dog, Alfie, would have taken off at breakneck speed to find those treats. I laughed even more when Angie smelled her own delicious treats and followed her nose.

I love the relationship between Angie and Fluffy. It seems as though Fluffy is a huge help to Angie. I liked the way Fluffy consoled Angie at the end. That was a nice role reversal. And, while I'm speaking about the end, my heart just about turned to warm, liquid chocolate when Fluffy snuggled up on Angie's lap. Fluffy is adorable.

This story brought so many laughs. Fluffy snoring after eating too many treats is so cute. I had a black Labrador who snored very loudly! It's a funny thing.

I have a question, and it doesn't affect how much I loved the story, but I am curious: What is pea gravel?

I also have one suggestion. When you write dialogue and end the dialogue with an exclamation mark or a question mark, if you're using a speech tag, you don't capitalise the first word after the quotation mark (unless it is a person's name). So, for example, you have written, "'I can't eat another bite!' She said with a sigh." should be "'I can't eat another bite!' she said with a sigh."

I just want to say how clever you are to have continued a story with this prompt. I haven't checked in your book, but I'm guessing all your entries will fit together. That's so cool. I wanted to do that, but I just couldn't figure out how.

This is a really great story that is funny and adorable with a generous helping of cuteness.

Rachel

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/14/2024 @ 5:34pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4736621