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 Review #4738438 |
 | "Three Gargoyles"  [E] My wife purchased these strange plastic decorations.  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: That was unexpected! When you first mentioned the gargoyles, I was sure I knew where this story was going to go. Obviously the gargoyles were going to be evil and attack the narrator and his wife. What actually happened took me by surprise. The way you set out the story worked well. It started slowly, but the fact that it was Halloween immediately created a slightly scary atmosphere even before anything happened. I liked that the whole story was Halloween themed with the flashback also taking place at the same time, only years earlier. It wasn’t really the narrator’s fault that Harry never got his candy; in fact, it seemed like he was kind and tried to help the kid, so I was a little confused why the boy took it so badly. It made sense when the narrator realised that the creature in his house wasn’t really Harry at all, and it made it all the more scary.  Suggestions: I noticed a few errors as I was reading: her heartrate was like mine I believe it’s two words, “heart rate”. “Boom, boom, boom, BOOM!” Not an error as such but a suggestion. I’m not a fan of sound effects in stories but that might be personal preference. However, the way this is written, with speech marks, indicates that someone is actually shouting the words, which I don’t think was what you intended. If you want to keep the sounds, I would suggest doing away with the speech marks. It had a cat face, or an artist on LSD would believe was a cat. There seems to be a word missing here. It had a cat face, or what an artist on LSD would believe was a cat. Or maybe, It had a cat face, or an artist on LSD would believe it was a cat. We scared me. I think you need to set off the ‘We’ or the sentence looks grammatically incorrect. Single quotation marks, perhaps, or italics? “Join us,” he shouted. As he shouted it, I would suggest replacing the period with an exclamation mark. an unearthly create with goat legs “creature”? “What the,” my wife started. She didn’t finish the sentence so I think you need ellipses to indicate that something was left unsaid. mess in the living, glass all over “living room?  Final Thoughts: They are all just minor suggestions to tidy up the story a bit. It was a good tale, not too scary but scary enough, and you did a good job showing the characters’ emotions. I half expected the gargoyles to be gone at the end, and it worked well that you ended the story where you did, leaving the readers with a few questions to ponder.    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 03/22/2024 @ 3:28am EDT