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Review #4740659
Viewing a review of:
 Yellow Stone Open in new Window. [E]
Non fiction take on yellow stone
by sindbad Author Icon
Review of Yellow Stone  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
House Targaryen image for G.o.T.
In House Targaryen,
there'll be

*Fire* FIRE *Fire* & *DropR* BLOOD *DropR*

IN AFFILIATION WITH:
"The WDC Angel ArmyOpen in new Window.


Disclaimer:

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.



Greetings sindbad Author IconMail Icon!

I am currently reviewing as part of the tasks set by the "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window.. I especially visited your port to dig your most precious gems then this article appeared. In this review, I mainly focus on the positives of your piece and I may point some Areas for Improvement if found any. Without much a do, here are the things I noticed after delving deeper into the contents:


The article "Yellow Stone" offers a vivid and personal account of the author's transformative experience at Yellowstone National Park. While your initial disinterest in geography is relatable, the story beautifully captures how a single trip can rekindle a passion for the natural world. Although the title "Yellowstone" sums the whole article up, I'd suggest for a change of title. Perhaps, something like Rediscovering Geography: My Yellowstone Adventure


Strengths

Vivid descriptions: The author's use of language brings Yellowstone to life. The "angry/beautiful" earth, mysterious vapors, and unruly bison create a sense of awe and adventure. The description of the Grand Prismatic Spring, in particular, is breathtaking.

Personal touch: The story balances the wonders of Yellowstone with the author's own memories and camaraderie with friends. This human element makes the experience relatable and emphasizes the social aspect of travel.

Shifting perspective: What begins as a confession of disinterest in geography ends with a newfound appreciation for the earth's marvels. This arc makes the story satisfying for the reader.



Suggestions (Content Specific)

Structure: The article could benefit from clearer paragraph separation. Consider breaking the text down into smaller chunks focused on specific sights (Old Faithful, Grand Prismatic Spring) and experiences (wildlife encounters, weather changes).

Facts: Including a few key facts about Yellowstone (size, location, unique features) would add depth to the story and provide context for those unfamiliar with the park.

Focus: While the shared moments with friends are wonderful, keeping the focus mostly on Yellowstone itself would make the review more useful for those considering a visit.



Overall Impression

The article is an engaging read that showcases the power of nature to inspire and surprise. It serves as a reminder that even subjects we initially dismissed can hold unexpected treasures. With a few minor adjustments, this could be an excellent piece to share with others who might be curious about Yellowstone or nature travel in general.



Here's a possible revised opening to demonstrate the changes:

"Geography was never my favorite subject in school. I passed the tests, but the maps and facts felt distant. That all changed when I visited Yellowstone National Park. This place of geysers, hot springs, and wild creatures reignited my wonder for the world.

Let me tell you about Old Faithful, the geyser that erupts like clockwork, or the Grand Prismatic Spring, a living rainbow painted by heat-loving bacteria..."



This article has a huge potential and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. Write on!

Best regards,
Gervic

GoT House Targaryen :: Gervic


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