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 Review #4740765 |
 | The Last Laugh  [E] To my uncle, whose spirit never died  |
| (4.5)| Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Greetings ! I am currently reviewing as part of the tasks set by the "Game of Thrones" . Today is your first Anniversary and I am happy that you're with us for a year already. Here's to more years of Writing! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! To celebrate your milestone with us, here's a review from me. In this review, I mainly focus on the positives of your piece and I may point some Areas for Improvement if found any. Without much a do, here are the things I noticed after delving deeper into the contents: Strengths Vivid Imagery: The poem creates crisp visual snapshots that capture the essence of difficult life moments: "When they cut your hair," "When your walker became a wheelchair," or "When your wheelchair became a hospital bed." These moments carry both emotional and physical weight. Contrasting Tones: The poem skillfully oscillates between the speaker's youthful perspective ("I'm pretty sure I was six") and the somber notes of decline. It then balances sorrow with the bittersweet defiance of the central figure's smiles and their final act of waking from a coma. Emotional Resonance: Despite its free verse format, the poem feels controlled and precise. Its carefully chosen words and fragmented structure allow space for the reader to experience the grief, frustration, and even grudging admiration the speaker holds. Cathartic Ending: The ending's turn to introspection, with "I think there's a lesson in that," creates the sense of a speaker slowly processing loss and finding a strange solace in the defiance of a smile. It adds a layer of complexity to the experience of grief. Areas for Development Pacing: Some transitions between scenes are a bit abrupt. Adding slightly more context (for example, instead of a simple "When," using a phrase like "When the years passed and...") could smooth the narrative jumps. Consistency of Voice: At times, the speaker's voice slips from childlike to a more mature and reflective one. Revising certain lines to maintain the childlike perspective throughout the early stanzas would ensure the later reflective tone feels more earned. Recommendations Refine the Transitions: Experiment with adding a few more transitional words to create a smoother reading experience. Tighten the Voice: Review phrases like "you smug mf" to ensure consistency with the otherwise childlike perspective. Consider Line Breaks: The line break at the beginning of "to smile at the freaking nurse!" is very effective. See if there are other places where slightly adjusting the line breaks can create even more emotional impact. Overall Impression "The Last Laugh" is deeply moving, both in its specificity and its universality. It captures the complex emotions surrounding loss: grief, a touch of anger, and ultimately, the search for meaning in the smallest gestures. It is a proof to resilience and love in the face of overwhelming circumstances. This is a promising and poignant poem! With some minor refinements, you can hone it even further. Thank you so much for this beautiful piece of poetry. Write on! Best regards, Gervic    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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