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Review #4740860
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Snowflake  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings from the House of Mormont!
By participating in a Writing.com activity called Game of Thrones, I am in no way endorsing the GoT franchise or identifying as a fan thereof. I’m here to help my team win *Smile*

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I really enjoyed reading this story. It has a warm and wholesome feel, and the descriptions draw one along from reality to fantasy quite carefully. The fanciful cat that granted the good veterinarian’s dearest wish is a charming creation. I also appreciate how you’ve referenced “God’s creation,” giving it a well grounded, James Herriot feel.

I do have several suggestions to make, mostly in the way of grammar and sentence structure. You could remedy that by pasting your text into a document and running the free app Grammarly on it. They’ll point out places where your sentences are worded awkwardly, such as “Unzipping the carrier, Snowflake stepped out gracefully…” actually, they may not pick up on that one, because it makes sense grammatically, but you have the wrong object being modified. Snowflake probably didn’t unzip their own carrier.

You can also italicize the inner dialogue of Roy, and therefore eliminate the tags. I would also suggest using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices. Another thought is to include the prompt and contest you wrote the story for at the bottom of your item in a drop note, that way you and others can understand the bolded words and such in future years. Including a word count is definitely also a very good habit to get into, as almost all contests require one.

The story itself is lovely; all you need is a little polishing up of simple grammatical errors, and it’ll be a perfect fairytale.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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